do nothing or what

[Zephyr]

Good Afternoon Roiste...hope you are well. Hope you are finding some comfort wherever or whatever you are doing.

If you are mulling over stuff, I get it, your protector mode does not like uncertainty/instability (and yes I consider what situation you are in an 'emotionally unsafe' place right now so protector self goes into overdrive trying to figure out a way)...try to find some way to show yourself some real appreciation for what you are going through...take a break for a little while, go play with the kids, go read a book wrapped in a a comfy blanket with fuzzy socks on...whatever it is that you enjoy doing...

Just checking in

[roist]

I'm taking my time to put together my actions and more importantly to implement them. So I'm here for a while yet. I'll post in time.

I'm not mulling or struggling or stressing at the moment so no need to worry about me. Thanks for checking on me though.

[roist]

I've had a bug the last few weeks. The first week I felt crap but kept working etc as normal. Last week I took a few days off. This week I am better but not fully well. Why am I telling ye this? I have not been well enough to do any sport since the start of the month and the evenings I have found myself back on the couch more than I want.

Whether it is the tale end of being sick or the lack of GAL, I am a little off in myself. Not down, just off. Hopefully this will sort itself out as the bug leaves the system.

The last two evenings I got out of the house for a few hours. I wasn't fully into what I was doing but at least I was out. Hopefully next week things will be back to normal.

I have written a list of issues W has had with me. To he fair most of them were true. I have refocused my effort on 180s for these. It may or may not make any difference to us, but I want to prove to myself that I can consistently do them. It is stuff I want for me going forward d so it is win win.

I also have another bigger list of actions that I am working on. My bread ng/research time is orientated towards that at the moment. With a big aspect revolving around being a stronger man and a better dad.

One negative thing I have noticed is that for various reasons I have a pile of books that I never finished. One I just didn't like. I have too many on positive thinking! I want to be sure of why I have not finished these books.
I hope it is because each served it purpose depending on my particular needs at a certain time. I don't think it is because I lacked the motivation or something to keep going, but I want to be sure.

Z regarding my job situation I have had an issue hanging over the company that I will be taking care of in the next few weeks. Once that is behind me I will be freer to act. Now that the solution for this problem is in place I have used my sick days to update my CV, check job adds and even replied to one. So there is movement. The timing was not planned but I applied for the job the week after our R talk. Will do no harm for W to see me moving forward.

As for your idea of visualising a life without my W. I have a short list of stuff projects and activities I will do if that happens. I have some options on accompanied for a short term solution so I am not looking into that. Honestly if my W leaves I can see loads of positives and opportunities. I have one friend who says that her husband leaving turned out to be the best thing that happened her.

That being said I am here to save my M if possible. I am remotivated.

I have made a good few tweaks or changes in my behavior in the last few weeks. This has been hampered by being sick but I am happy with it as a start.

Coming into this year I had a few negative problems or issues to deal with. The one related to work, took time and effort but looks like it will not only be solved without losing money but may actually make some on it.

The second was an aunt with cancer back home. I kept in close contact with my cousins and it brought back a lot of memories from when I went through it with my dad.She passed away quicker than expected last weekend. I had some flashbacks and memories and feelings about my dad,plus losing my aunt. But I got through OK too.

Finances and job are next up. And then we'll see where I am at with my M.

For those of you brave enough to wade through that long post, I wish you all the best for the weekend. I don't post often now so I made the most of it

[roist]

bread ng = reading

Accompanied = accommodation

[Zephyr]

Sorry you were sick, this years cold hit me pretty hard. Yes, pqrt of being down from the bug...the secondary side affect is you are grounded for a while and you cannot soar like you want to.

I am glad that you were feeling like you qanted to get out...it is a good thing. It tells me youbare not aatisfied with what you were and you want better for yourself! Yay roiste...i like your attitude here.

Keep it up!

[roist]

Hopefully it is just the tale end of my bug. But I am highly unproductive this week at work.Being self employed that is a big problem.I am not sure why I am this way which is more worrying.

I have a lot of stresses at the moment but I don't feel overly stressed.OOr at least I am not overwhelmed by it all. I need to be more productive to help solve our financial stresses. The financial stresses are a big worry for my W, so that adds to her woes. That surely affects how she is with me. This in turn contributes to my unproductivity. A simplistic view of things, probably.

I am working away on my actions. I have been doing pretty good but this has thrown me a little.I don't feel stressed or depressed or upset. I am just not focused at work. Are there phases like that in this process?Usualy before when this happened I was trying to figure out my situation.Not this time.

I don't have a lot to report on my situation. Ultimately it is my priority and absolute goal, but it is not my most pressing situation.I am going to deal with the rest, without neglecting my actions/180s etc. Once I have sorted my work situation I will have the security I want going forward. That can only be good for me.

[Zephyr]

How did your weekend go, Busy I hope!!!

Just thinking of you and your boys, hoping they are getting outside with the improving spring weather.

[roist]

Thanks for checking in on me. I'm doing OK.

I have loads to work on. That is my focus for now. I have found some great resources on the net that are helping me. I like to listen to stuff, so at work I am listening to podcasts about pma, happiness, mindfulness, stress, sleep, anxiety,eetc.It is good stuff and I work better when listening. Win win. I'll probably share the site when I start my next thread.

I have to avoid thinking about how long we have not been god and the lack of real progress in the 16 months I have been TRYING to save my M. The more time that goes by the harder it is to think it will turn around.But I am using the time I have. I would never have looked so deep inside me if I hadn't been faced with this situation.

My situation could change quickly either direction, but will most likely be a long while yet. A very long while.I accept where we are. For now. I could rewrite tons about this but I have work to do. Yeap I have refound my focus!

Happy thoughts everyone.

[Zephyr]

I would never have looked so deep inside me if I hadn't been faced with this situation

Good morning (well afternoon for you

I think you hit the nail right on the head. None of us would have made the leaps and bounds if we were not faced with this adversity. Your strength throughout has been a welcome sight to me and has helped give me strength to keep my feet moving forward instread of atoping and waiting.

All those podcasts, great so glad that you are able to keep your mind occupied AND be productive at the same time, i cant watch and think.

Today is friday, for the first time inmonths i dont have anything planned. I think we are going to stay home (after dinner and gym) and watch the newest james bond movie. Havent seen it yet. Have like 6 things tomorow ao a day off sounds pretty good right now.

How about you, plans...activies. whatcha got?

[roist]

Z I am glad you find strength in me and it is useful to you. I'd be curious to know more about what strength you see in me.

Tonight I am invited for a drink with some mates. Am pretty wrecked after work but I may go. The rest of the weekend is pretty full but a lot of it is family stuff. But I will have some sport too.

This evening I got home and lately we chat sometimes together when I arrive. Anyway this evening my W was on for talking but was clearly off. One of our neighbours just told her she is splitting with her H. It is so hard to not bring us up at such times. I said soon the neighborhood will be full of bachelors.She looked puzzled but then realised I meant that this guy is the third since we loved there four years ago. I wanted to scream let's get out of here before the curse gets us...... but then maybe it already has.

I am not going to mindread my W nor snoop to see if she mentions why she is off. I have my path. I know that any day she could drop a bomb but I am not going to stress about that until it happens.