I am venting today because I keep hearing all the things I can do to win her love back and to be more attractive... but I did't have the A. I have to act happy and confident when I don't feel either of those things. Some days I am strong, but today I feel exhausted. Why do I feel like I am having to do the lions share of the work?
Honestly, because that is the philosophy of this program. There are others that are just as successful where it is up to the wayward spouse to do the heavy lifting, not the betrayed spouse.
At the end of the day as a betrayed spouse wanting your cheating spouse back with you, you'll have to get used to eating HUGE sh*t sandwiches, developing a love for them, and always asking for second helpings. That's just the plain truth of it. You've been betrayed as badly as a human being can be betrayed by another human being and what makes it so bad is that the betrayal was committed by the person closest to you in this life. I know the pain. I've been there. I think it would be so much easier to tell a WW to go to hell and move on with your life. Unfortunately for us chumps we love our WW's and want them back. I know I did/do.
Just know that I 100% understand exactly the position you're in. Does it seem unfair? Oh hell yes it does. You have to decide if it's worth it. I know this. You're going to be fine either way you decide. I chose to eat all the sh*t sandwiches and work it out with my cheater. I love her. I really do. A few years later are we back to what we had? Nope, and we never will be. It's a new R and I'm trying to figure out how to make it great, or walk away from it if it comes to that. If I could go back in time would I choose the path I did? I don't think so. I put myself through hell trying to win a cheater back. It wasn't until I quit and took myself out of the competition for her heart that she snapped out of it and came back. It took so much life out of me. So much. If I knew then what I know now I would have walked away clean, got drunk for a month, then moved on with my life.
You have to do the soul searching. We can't tell you what to do. This is your life to live how you wish. Don't make any of these life decisions based on what your wife wants or what anyone else wants. It has to be what you really truly want.
