When the goal is positivity

[JulieH]

Hi

Injust skimmed through the posts so have to read more thoroughly. Yes giving him an ultimatum would have been ridiculous. I had approached him with child support twice and it led to huge fights. I needed to be more clear with it though. Coach had helped me write a letter asking for it. But I never sent it. At that point I felt it was delayed too long, he told me reconciliation was not possible and I just wanted to move forward with it so I took him to court just so I couldn't delay it anymore.

He doesn't see it as him neglecting kids financial needs. He feels that he paid for camp, shoes, some clothes, and would have given me money spent on them with receipts. He feels that the money court mandates is more then I need to cover their expenses.

This is kind of true, but only because we live with my parents. If I had my own place, CS would not be enough. The major issue is that my parents should not have to be the ones supporting us. (I have been giving them rent, but I am sure they are not going to keep it. It will probably be given to my kids at some point) husband cannot separate this in his mind.

It is weird. I think it's because his mother has always enabled everyone so he expects that type of unconditional support from grandparents. I notice that with comments he has made "let your parents babysit them for once" or getting angry when my parents would not make themselves 100% convenient to his needs.

He was also angry because he paid for a car seat to put in my parents car. They lent their car to my brother for one day because my brother needed a car seat to take baby to doctor. It just so happened that day my car wouldn't start. Husband was furious that the spare car wasn't around. This logic makes no sense to me. (I wonder if it's an only child way of thinking but i get angry because he is angry)

This is why I am constantly writing about our arguments and things he gets mad at and my anger and frusturation. I can't justify or find logic in how he is thinking or his demands. I really try to see his point. I try to explain my point. I see white he sees black.