Extremely confused

[Nate W]

Hey keefa,
Sorry to hear it's going so bad for you. Yes this sh!t [censored] but it could always be worse. Please keep it together and don't lose yor job. I'm pretty sure I was close until I snapped out of it. Take it from someone on the other side of the D...I know it doesn't seem like it now but with or without her, save the marriage or divorce you will be OK so hang in there brother!

[Thornton]

Hey buddy,

I know how bad it hurts. You can't escape the pain, it follows you like a shadow.

You can't read those old texts anymore, Keefa. My ex texted me "I LOVE YOU!!!!" 8 days ago. It will make you crazy. I do the same thing where I obsess where things went wrong, it's a never ending cycle.

I think going back to work is a good idea. Also, try and get some sleep so you aren't so exhausted. Easier said than done, I know.

We can get through this together my friend. Let's make it through today and then make it through tomorrow. It can't get any worse right? If this is a bad as it gets, it didn't kill us right? We can do this.

[roar]

Hang in there Keefa,

My situation is different, but I understand your pain. Don't focus your energy on her, don't read the old texts (I do that too), the past is gone...the more we overanalyze it, the more confusing it is.

Start small with the positives - air in your lungs, food to eat, internet to get on these boards. That's where my head is at.

:]

[brutus3]

Hey Keefa, I'm recently a separated dad too and at one point, I too thought about ending the pain in the most extreme way. Not only was I loosing my wife (WAW), I also had to find a new job because I worked with her in her hometown. I pretty much had to start my life completely over. You are going through hell but it will get better. You will end up a better and stronger person because of it. Hang in there and don't give up. Your boys need you.

How did she get sole custody? You sound like a great dad.

[keefa]

Hi guys,
Made it through the night. I stayed up all night going through each room, binning stuff she has left behind, cleaning, dusting and saving all the little pictures and drawings my boys leave (left) everywhere. it is helping but I am glad I am doing it, not out of spite but out the need to cleanse. my kitchen, bedroom and living room are now how I like them and have just me and my boys mark on them. Silly I know.
Thornton, man I am so sorry you are going through this too.
There is no doubt for me that M is completely over. The reason I am so sure of this is I am convinced she never actually loved me. Not truly. I was a stop gap. She had always called me her rock. She was never mine. I went to my brothers funeral alone, work do's alone. friends parties and so on. It occurred to me that the thing I have been fighting for the most over the last few years, probably since our boys were born, is her love and support. I've always been her rock. I've never had a rock. This has been a kind of revelation. It is sad because of the implications of why we went through IVF, she has lied to me but even sadder, lied to herself. I feel a small measure of pride inside knowing I am genuine and sincere and know who I am, warts n all.
Brutus, she only has sole custody because she has them in her new house and is denying me seeing them while it goes through the courts. To me, this is the ultimate betrayal and the mark of the person. True colours ('colors' for you guys across the pond...I cracked a joke!) The funny thing is, the way she acts, it's like I had the affair not her. She couldn't be any more hostile if she came home and caught me in bed with her best friend. My boys are undoubtedly desperate to see me as much me them. I am thinking a little more clearly today but have real anxiety issues with bank defaults, where am I going to live etc.
I took my pooch out for a long walk at sunrise. Talk about mans best friend. She is full of unconditional love.
I'm living on a 50p pack of biscuits per day at the moment but have some cash coming so will buy fresh veggies and fruit for the weekend.
Onwards....

[Thornton]

You made it through another day... progress.

[rd500]

Sounding a bit more positive today , sounds tough about food sitch. Any friends you could wangle a meal off ?

[Cadet]

You are making your mark on where you live that is good and taking one step at a time towards the future, good job.

Everything you are feeling is quite normal for the stage of grief that you are at.

Please acknowledge that grief and keep moving forwards as painful as that is.

You can do it and right now you need your oxygen mask on,
you must save yourself first because that is the only way
that you may save anyone else.

When you get to a 100 posts shortly start a new thread.

That will also help you mark a change for the better within yourself.

I know this.

[grelber]

another day - excellent. Clean, purge, walk, eat, do whatever it takes to keep moving forward. It can only get better, and you can keep making baby steps like cleaning the house for your next adventure with your boys...

You gotta eat. See if there's a soup kitchen or such around. Pay it back by helping others later when you get your legs back under you if your pride gets in the way.

[brutus3]

Brutus, she only has sole custody because she has them in her new house and is denying me seeing them while it goes through the courts. To me, this is the ultimate betrayal and the mark of the person. True colours ('colors' for you guys across the pond...I cracked a joke!) The funny thing is, the way she acts, it's like I had the affair not her. She couldn't be any more hostile if she came home and caught me in bed with her best friend. My boys are undoubtedly desperate to see me as much me them. I am thinking a little more clearly today but have real anxiety issues with bank defaults, where am I going to live etc.
I took my pooch out for a long walk at sunrise. Talk about mans best friend. She is full of unconditional love.
I'm living on a 50p pack of biscuits per day at the moment but have some cash coming so will buy fresh veggies and fruit for the weekend.
Onwards....

That's such BS what she did to you. That is pure evil, at least my wife and I were able to negotiate 50/50 custody and child support (she pays me). I don't know what to say other than you definitely deserve better. I think once you can find your own place that you can afford, even if it's not nearly as nice, you will start to feel a lot better. My current rent is half of my old mortgage but at least I don't have the bad memories of my old place. You'll be able to envision your future life more and be able to GAL a lot more naturally.