1st time - Do I detach or keep showing her my best

[Squiggy]

I don't have much time to respond right now, because I have someone coming into my office shortly.

You are correct. You need to relax and focus on you. It is going to be complicated, because it is not like a computer program or game with set rules. Affairs of the heart and human relationships are murky, messy things with entirely too many factors to categorize, accurately predict, or garner specific responses. Work on what you have control over.

Now, an example of this is to answer the other questions you are struggling with. First, stop trying to push your wife. Even if you are not actively doing it IRL, you ARE doing it here, and that could bleed over to RL. My advice, given the current state of your R, is to LEAD her back to the family and the MR with no pressure. Remember the Valentine's idea? That's a great example. It's family oriented, you get to show your best side, and it brings you all together to show her what life can be like. Think of activities you can do together that are the foundation of relationships, something even as simple as washing the dishes together, cooking together, taking the kids somewhere.