Some of you have followed my story... In short... W had EA and as far as I know it's been over for 4 weeks. She says she loves me and wants our marriage to work. I know she feels emotionally detached from me, but still sees all the good in me and our life and wishes she felt more of a connection. She continues to say there has been no contact (I don't ask often). She is showing signs of affection (non sexual) and says she feels terrible for how I am feeling, knowing she caused it.
I'm not sure whether to believe that she has cut things off. There are always ways to be in contact if she wanted. Nothing on phone records, nothing obvious on emails (but that can be deleted)... seems to be interested in keeping me posted on her actions.
Our counselor said she's either a great liar or that she is sincere about loving me and wanting our marriage to work. I just cant get over the fact that there were so many lies. I woke up in a cold sweat last night with crazy anxiety. I got up and took something to relax... she asked if I was ok. I wanted to say yep... I'm good... but I said no. She asked what's up. I said I just had a dream about your brother telling me you were still in contact and it seemed very real. She said she has not been in contact and tried to comfort me. I asked if it was getting easier and she said yes. I want to believe her so bad. I seem to ignore some of the positive things she does and read into tiny things she says. I hate the paranoia felling.
The problem is I don't know what is my best course of action...
My counselor says just keep showing her your best. That she feels smothered and forced to show me love, when she should want to feel like she is showing me love freely. She hasn't read any books, or really looked into much, or into herself as to why things happened.
I am venting today because I keep hearing all the things I can do to win her love back and to be more attractive... but I did't have the A. I have to act happy and confident when I don't feel either of those things. Some days I am strong, but today I feel exhausted. Why do I feel like I am having to do the lions share of the work? I am sure ending the A is not easy for her. She does do small things. I'm not even sure what she could do that would make me feel better.
So what do I do? Detach more when things seem to be heading in the right direction... Keep doing what I'm doing (staying positive and being happy)? Can I ask her to do anything at this point? Or do I just ride out her positive attitude and be thankful for the way she is acting.
I know I need to get out and do something. Maybe join a gym. I work out at home now. I just don't feel social at all.
I'm just wore out today. Putting my dad in a nursing home this week so add that stress to my crazy life. Hard to feel like the fight is worth fighting at times.
I need to find strength in God. The days I do that seem to go a lot better than the days I try to handle it on my own.
Any advice or encouragement would really be welcome today. What would I do according to DBing specifically?
