Thanks, MB. I really appreciate it. I can't believe I am still awake. This whole process has probably taken years off my life just in lost sleep. SIGH. Another night of not enough sleep and a busy day ahead. I'm so sick of it.
I totally get what you are saying about keeping it to "thanks for letting me know." Any thoughts on the rest of it? He has told me that he still doesn't really know the circumstances of his parents' divorce... and has also told me that he was so thrown when he found out that his dad left his mom for his step-mom.. he found out by accident when he was in college. I don't want to disparage him to her, but I also want her to know what *I* value. I wonder what he would say to her if this were to happen to her. I wonder what his mom said to him.
How do you do that without a) being judgmental or bitter ("he made a 'bad' choice) or b) painting him as weak or deficient to his D ("he wasn't capable of doing the hard part")? This isn't much of an issue right now at the age of 5, but it's going to be perhaps the hardest thing I communicate to her as she gets older. Maybe "I think you have to talk to daddy about that" will be something to say, and let him explain his side to her himself. All I can control is whether I am the kind of mom whom she feels safe enough to talk to about tough things. I pray for the strength and maturity to be that kind of mom.
