Hope is not a Strategy- It looks done

[Squiggy]

If you decide to open that can of worms, I would not leave the door open for her... I wouldn't say anything about living in an open M etc. or giving her that choice to come back. It doesn't mean that you wouldn't, but think about how it makes you sound? I'm not just saying that for your sitch, either. I think that needs to be a general rule.

You caught me. I forgot the final line which moves it forward: "I will not live in an open marriage, and if you continue with your affair, then X will happen. Otherwise, if you end the A and come home, you will find that I am more than willing to work on any and all problems, including my own. Otherwise, we both have some very big decisions to make."

One thing you have to keep in mind is that DBing is to save the marriage if possible. Even while establishing a boundary, you are still working to keep the door open, the road paved smooth. Were you to leave it in the form you are suggesting, it can come across as a pushy ultimatum that goes against the goal of reconciliation.