I have tried to be neutral with my girls. I want them to feel what they feel. I think they need to know that their emotions are valid because it shows them that I respect them and my love for them is not conditional. I tell them "people are complicated, even when you love them" - I tell them that "love and redemption come in many forms" and that I am always open to helping someone if they ask for help. Finally I tell them you can live your life without bolting the door shut on anyone. Be open, be purposeful and be honest. Let someone's actions define the relationship over the long haul and try not to judge. Of course being empathetic is not the same as creating safe boundaries. That is a whole other thread...
If your daughter can see you be strong and compassionate she'll receive the message loud and clear. I would just be wary of pushing her to make excuses for her father's behavior because this sets the stage for how she will expect to be treated by the men she dates.
It sure is a tightrope.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
