I agree with Anna Mu, I hope you picked it up from the trash.
While wife determines the value for her, you choose the value for you. You make the choice to do with it as it suits you. You may indeed determine it has it's rightful place where wife put it. You may not know right now. Let time decide.
Being loved is a gift, regardless of outcome. A written reminder while painful, is a treasure. Your letter remains so regardless of the value W has given it.
Mu, I have kept every card and letter I have ever received from the men who I have loved and loved me. I don't read the ones from Mr Ex or Mr M. I do however I keep them in a special place, knowing that when I am old and grey and considering my last breaths, these momemtos will be as special as they were when they were given. Time always changes perspective and heals wounds, especially at the latter end of life, when we finally see what is important.
One day Mu, I might just write you a love letter myself, because Mu you mean alot to me and a number of other posters here and you just have to know that. Biggest hug Mu.
Hi Mu, I am sorry to hear about your pic frame story. I am even more sorry to say that I have done similar things throughout my M. I was.never one for taking pics. I was always convinced that I look horrible. The prob was xh was interested in photography but I hated having my pics taken or framed.
That was when I was going through my mini MLC, or my existential angst.
Here's the thing: it was more of what was happening within me than it was about the xh. It was also about the xh and the M but on hindsight it was a lot of self- loathing.
And now on hindsight, I can see how hurtful my actions were. If one day, your W snaps out of it, she will feel the anguish.
Her actions really aren't about you now. It's about herself.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I am overwhelmed with the compassion you my dear friends offer me. Thank you very much, it means a lot to me.
Anna, I may retrieve it tomorrow but I'm not sure. I am trying to quantify it's value and I am coming up with zero. She keeps hurting me and it is beginning to hurt less and less.
Fo, It did hurt when I first saw it now not so much. Six months ago I would have been devastated. I am more disappointed right now more then anything. I recognize she is on her own journey which at the moment has her walking away from me. She may never turn back or give me a second thought and that is her choice. I live each day with expectation of sharing a few precious moment with my kids, that's it. If my wife chooses to speak with me great but I have zero expectations she will.
Di, I know she could choose to live her life with me. I am willing to wait and see. I have this time with my kids for the next 2 1/2 years and I will fill that time with as many good memories my kids can hold. If my wife comes around great and only time will tell.
Jelly, thank you for your kindness. I realized the other day how much you all mean to me. I have deep feelings many people here. You are my friends and I hope I never lose you.
Gronofr, I understand what your saying and what my wife may be feeling. The thing is,"Tu es pour moi la plus belle" means "You are to me the most beautiful". It is how I feel, how your husband felt. My wife may not like the way she looked in the photo but to me, no one compares. I may not be the sharpest pencil in the cup but when I truly believe my wife is the most beautiful, she should live with it. I'm sorry if this seems harsh, if it is, it is directed to my wife. I worked really hard on those frames. I hand picked the wood to have the best grain pattern. I cut the wood in such a way that the grain flowed, lined up and continued all the way around the frame. The joints were perfect, the cuts were perfect, the messages were heart felt. Now it sits at the bottom of a drawer. I will give it to one of my daughters if we get divorced.
I think I am in the process of detaching or dropping the rope so to speak. My days are now filled with disappointment and occasional moments of sadness. Gone are the days of devastation, emptiness and longing to be with her. She is not interested in me or what I have to offer. C'est la vie
Mu, I really hope you can drop that rope. I have been dropping it, not completely, but there are days that go by where I feel so much "lighter" and more content than I can even describe. I even had it completely dropped for about 3 weeks but then it crept back up on me. I guess it is a process, but I promise you that you will feel better once you let go.
Thanks Fo for thinking of me. I am getting there, step by step. If the marriage does not survive, the 3 1/2 years we stayed for my son were well spent. I appreciate every second I have with my kids. I am hanging out right now with my son while he does something on his phone. I will take every second with them I can get.I have no expectations about a future with my wife. On the other hand I know that my kids will eventually move on with their own lives so I try hard to make every moment count.
Fo, your support the last six months has made my life much more bearable. I can't thank you enough for the kindness and compassion you offered me. There were many times I was jealous of you husband. He had a wife that loved him and was fighting for her marriage. There is nothing better then the love of a good woman. Be well dear Fo
I have to say I discarded all the cards and photos that WH didn't want of us. I shredded them, felt good.
I have also stored away my own. I will see how I feel in due course and what I want to do keep or discard. I am not detached enough yet to know and I prefer to be serene than triggered.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
The picture of H and I that I found shredded just about broke my heart. I had another copy that was framed on our stair way and I took it down and put it in my "keepsake" box. Stupid me though, I left the empty frame up. I should put a new picture in there, maybe one of the kids.
The thing is,"Tu es pour moi la plus belle" means "You are to me the most beautiful". It is how I feel, how your husband felt. My wife may not like the way she looked in the photo but to me, no one compares. I may not be the sharpest pencil in the cup but when I truly believe my wife is the most beautiful, she should live with it. I'm sorry if this seems harsh, if it is, it is directed to my wife. I worked really hard on those frames. I hand picked the wood to have the best grain pattern. I cut the wood in such a way that the grain flowed, lined up and continued all the way around the frame. The joints were perfect, the cuts were perfect, the messages were heart felt. Now it sits at the bottom of a drawer. I will give it to one of my daughters if we get divorced.
Mu, I had a similar experience with a note I gave my wife. I'd been leaving her what I thought were inspirational notes every few days because I could tell she was down about work, her body and her life. My intention was just to let her know that I was there and that I still had feelings for her despite everything. The gist of what I wrote was that she was gorgeous and that she should never forget that I thought so.
However, instead of feeling inspired she got angry at me for writing such a thing to her. Initially I was confused and hurt, but I've grown to realize that she simply wasn't ready to hear that from me then. I didn't know it at the time, but she was deep in an EA and certainly had no good feelings toward me. When I wrote that message, it was heart felt and true, but my wife took it as stifling and controlling. Looking back I see it for what it was - pursuit, which is why it didn't work.
But here's the thing - she still has the note. It's in a little box with all the other notes I've sent her. I think she will some day come to look at those notes in a new light once she fully returns to me. Or maybe she won't - it's her decision to make.
My point is this - keep the picture and frame. You don't have to look at it every day or even ever at all, but keep it as it represents a piece of your heart. If your wife returns to you she will appreciate not only the initial gift and sentiments, but also the fact that you cared enough to keep it. And if she never comes back I think giving it to your daughter will have equal meaning to your family. And that, to me, seems to embody the person you are. Strong, caring, and giving.
Stay strong brother, you are not as alone as you feel
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Thanks Sci, I would never dispose of the picture. If the marriage goes south, I will hold on to it and give it to whichever kid wants it when they get their own place.
I get what you saying and it all makes sense. It's just that it feels like one more indicator going in the wrong direction. Ultimately it does not matter, it is a symptom, not the problem. My wife will decide how she wants to live and I will do the same. In this moment we choose to be married. All we can do is live in the here and now. Peace
