man what a garbage night. I haven't felt like this probably since she moved out (6.5 moths ago!). We had a moderate snow storm, nothing major but I left work a bit early to clean up (takes about 2 hours). I had to skip the gym which I hate. Anyway, the whole time my mind was on WW. Half the time was me debating when to try and move things forward with divorce. The other half was spent thinking about the dreaming about me text from 2 weeks ago. That was a very selfish text I feel like. I want to tell her not to send me anything like that ever again. Her evil tentacles have penetrated deep inside my brain and play it like a fiddle. I hate it.
So I finish up and I sit on a snow bank for a minute and I look at my car. Then I picture her car next to it and both of us cleaning the cars off together, having fun, playing with the pup running around in the snow. Then I lost it for a bit, I cried.... cried pretty damn good. Haven't had something like that in a real long time. I don't know what the deal is. Is it that text messing with me? Is it me realizing that I am not strong enough to keep this up much longer? I don't know what it is. I think I have to sell this house.
I feel like I am living the movie ground hog day... every week is the same sh1t.... nothing new. I have to figure out how to get of this funk.
