I'm surprised I come across so confident. I have never been so unsure of myself in my life. I have no clue as to how my life will turn out. I'm really hoping for my M to survive, but not holding my breath. I would say I feel resigned that most things are out of my control. The only thing firmly in my control is my schooling, my living situation and my animals. I'm happy for the most part that I'm safe, I have food in my belly and a roof over my head. My car still runs and it's warm in my house. I need to work on GAL a bit more and meet new people. I am incredibly shy and although I can be quite sociable I always prefer to stay in the background. The wallflower, the observer. It's really hard to step out of that role.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Hmm, what holds me back socially. Last time I was single I went completely off the rails. Partied hard, dated like crazy, socialized my butt off. I made lots and lots of new friends. Then I met my H and they all kind of fell away, when I wasn't the life of the party anymore. I was disappointed with these so called friends. I think sometimes I really don't want to make more friends because I don't trust anyone. Actually, maybe I don't trust myself to be a good judge of character in choosing friends. My BFF excluded from that....we have known each other since we were teens.
I'm a homebody, even more so now. I feel like I'm nesting. I actually like being at home now.
Yes, I was always very shy. When I moved to Canada as a teen I didn't speak any English. I spent a lot of time listening and observing to learn. I still prefer being in the background observing, but I do catch everything that is going on around me.
I have worked hard on being more sociable and I do know I can do it. I've done it before, even taking leadership roles at work and for extracurricular activities. I captained my own Dragonboat team with 25 team members and did quite well at it. Right now I don't want to do it. I'm tired of being nice and saying the right things to the right people. Sometimes I miss interaction with others, but most of the time I'm really ok being alone. I have my family, my BFF and my animals. I talk a lot to my animals. They have such quirky and different personalities and right now they are the perfect test subjects to practice for my Veterinary Terminology course. Speaking of...I got 60/60 on my first assignment for that course. Woohoo!
I still haven't upped my exercise plan, but have all the forms here to fill out for the gym membership. Kind of side tracked with school and kid drama.
My son and his gf are having a horrible time. I think they should split up before things escalate, but financially she and her 5 year old are not able to survive without my sons help. They have only been living together for less than 4 months and they fight like crazy. Some days I would like to take their IPhones and smash them up. They never leave eachother alone, always texting and calling. I've been using DB language on her, telling her to work on herself and her happiness and being self sufficient and able to take care of herself and her son. She has really poor self esteem. For the most part I tell them to keep me out of it.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Firstly Di, many many congratulations on the 60/60 score. Well deserved.
Fairweather friends are still friends, just not enduring ones. They are friends for now. Actually that's ok.
You had fun and a wild time, everyone needs friends for those times and they didn't disappoint, they were just friends of their time. Comrades on the path of growing up. I can see why you might be disappointed though, it is a time of life when we want to connect with our peer group.
Each phase of your life has something to offer.
I think being alone is other than being lonely. The two are very different indeed. I am alone now and not lonely.
You have done well if English is your second language and got a perfect score on a terminology exam.
Time to exercise though Di, with your condition exercise is extreme self care. Not nagging. Correction yes I am! I will stop, I want you to continue to grow and get even better. You are very special.
I am sad about your little grandson caught up in his parents drama. I hope they work it out. Sounds like they interact continually. I will pray for them.
Di I see you as a strong and capable friend. I always feel Di underestimates herself, it's modesty not shyness and it's endearing as a quality in a friend.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Dragon boating is huge in NZ V. I know a number of women with your fitness and age group that do incredibly well in it.
Di, I think you and I very similar in disposition. I think you are likely more socially able than I am. I am working on social anxiety in therapy at the moment. I find it terrifying to start anything new or meet new people and it is stopping me from GALing. I always thought it was procrastination and I felt so stupid and critize by Mr Ex and Mr M when I couldn't make social interactions happen. It's exhausting feeling so misunderstood by people you care about not understanding the absolute fear that comes from connecting with new people and circumstances. I have alot of shame about it, that I am working through.
Thanks for sharing Di. Congrats on the amazing grades you are getting.
Briefly thought about joining a professional Dragonboat team before my illness reared it's ugly head. I loved being out on the water, working as a team. The adrenaline rush was awesome. Our team (a bunch of my co-workers and a few family members, including my daughter) did extremely well in the local competition. We won the gold division the first year and made it in the top 3 of the platinum (highest) division for 4 years after that. We were the only non professional team to routinely match the pros and even beat them on occasion. I still volunteer at the Dragonboat Festival as a Team Marshal. I hope to be able to paddle again, sooner than later. Just have to be careful. My work keeps tabs on my extra curricular activities and frown upon vigorous exercise while I'm on long term disability. Also not sure if I have the upper body strength that I used to have.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Dragonboating requires a lot of strength! I would never have been able to do well in it even in my teens or twenties.
You really are an amazing woman. I don't think I will ever be able to go back to school. Sorry that your H isn't more enthusiastic about the reconciliation efforts but you sound like you're having a great time with or without him.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
They have such quirky and different personalities and right now they are the perfect test subjects to practice for my Veterinary Terminology course. Speaking of...I got 60/60 on my first assignment for that course. Woohoo! 