my wife requests space, deattached from me

[WillDo]

Ignore. I feel it more as limbo. Waiting and waiting. Changing and changing. At times I would go through the 180 you collated, read the MLC chapter and so on. Ignore would mean ignoring that something is wrong. Use "as if" technique to feel positive. That is a way to cope witth depression. CBT is another way. Mindfulness another. I harness these to cope with depession.

I simply don't know. Thinking too rational on emotional intelligence.

[brutus3]

When I started to suspect my wife's 2nd EA, I decided to move out just a couple of weeks ago. I was in limbo for about 4 months before I decided to so. I would not put up with being lied to any more and I told her I couldn't be her "friend".

The way I see it, she's "sick" right now and it needs to run it's course before she'll come back. Through our baby monitor, that she never got around to disconnecting, (even after I told her to do so) I found out she got stupid drunk this weekend with her friend and they brought a couple of strange guys into my old house at 2am. Is that how a normal 40 yo mom should act? Hell no. She's a mess and she's unhappy. I don't want to be with a woman like that.

[WillDo]

That is tough brutus3. Amazing how people behave. Emotions are really strong.

I got feedback on this forum. Consulted my old IC for a short period. I brought together courage and spoke up to my wife just before bedttime about 5 mins ago.

I brought up the OM. Rather than me to move out, said that she needed to end the affair to restore our relation. She is strong minded. She denied an affair but said that OM's words were more reassuring than mine when issues arose and said the OM was an outcome of neglect on my part. I acknowledged that and said I drew a line and apologized.

She said that she was expecting me to move out. I told that I don't feel it that way. I said I am not dangerous. She said that we needed to be apart for us to think. I said that's why I am Ok to be in another room efen though it feels like the mental ward. She brought up grievence from the past esecially during my episodes. She says I wasnt around when the kids where 0 to 3. I accepted but added that I was pushed out. She does appreciate my latest changes. She had told it to friends how much helpful I am.

Ended up on a note where counselling may be an option. She asked how I would no if she stopped the relationship with OM. I said you would show me.

I kept my ground. Avoided tear but felt [censored]. In the past, she felt humiliated by my ignorance and my mim's attitude.

So many things. There was no shouting. She was sleeping better. She complsinned about my occasional touches. I had started the conversation saying I felt sad thst she wasn'tbwith me downstairs and we needed dialogue.

I still feel bad. At least talked about my feelings.

Thank you.

[WillDo]

She just stated that I am bringing her to the state of divorce by acting like this and not moving out. She blames me for the hardship. I said I am so n the spare room. She said let me miss you. Live out! ( I lived a year in Amsterdam and she found OM). She asked me to back off. I said I am and I will.

I said plenty. She can use my depression for grounds. I fear to be declared incapable.

For me to take the pressure off my wife.

I feel ok to have spoken out. I needed to say something.

[WillDo]

Why am I slways bullied/blamed/belittled? She and I were careful on our words but she hurt me. The

[brutus3]

I said plenty. She can use my depression for grounds. I fear to be declared incapable.

I think that if you are seeking help with a therapist and you can prove that you can still be able to take care of your family, she wouldn't have much of an argument to declare you incapable.

[G8r]

Man O'Malley, my WW says the same crud about me bringing us to the brink of D. Her A has absolutely nothing to do with it. Crazy, I tell you. She also has said that I should have moved out to allow her to miss me and give her room to think. I shouldn't have hovered around her so much and insisted on taking about our relationship so much early on but I don't regret not moving out. I also kept the MBR for symbolic purposes.

The words will hurt but, at least in my case, I think it is her trying to push my buttons. Don't let your W see the pain. Show her confidence and if you can't, do like others on this board have suggested and fake it until you make it. I wish you the best.

[sandi2]

Do you hold down a full time job?

[WillDo]

Yes I do

[WillDo]

Thank you for the posts. I really need them. Up at 2:32. I have been waking up from my deep sleep just like swimming from the bottom of the sea up. She claimed she has been sleeping nicely since I moved out of the room.