I am trying my hardest to keep it together. I am seeing the docs this week. I've been sent home from work and will have a nice cold, empty, lifeless, stripped, empty shell of a house that was once a warm home where light sabre battles took place, or competitions on the wii or bikes going up and down outside. I'd come home, take them upstairs for baths, tickles and stories while W cleared up and had some peace. I would listen to their day at school, watch the Simpsons together in bed and get their uniforms ready for the next day. Then sit down with the W with a cuppa and a chat. Was this all a sham ? It must have been. It must have been so false yet I didn't see it. How does someone go through many IVF's, have 2 children then walk away without batting an eyelid ? it is beyond my comprehension. It is now 7 months since ilybinilwy and I feel like I am going backwards. Things are worse now than ever. how much more of this is there to endure before it eases ? days ? months ? years ? Staying strong for my boys when I see them is easy. I want them to see me as they know me. Where do I find the coping mechanism ? How do I find anymore strength when I am alone ? What do others do to cope ? I am struggling. I know I am struggling.
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
