Thanks for stopping by Anna, I'll never forget your kindness. Considering my circumstance, I am well. Things at home run smoothly. We are just two emotional strangers living in the same house. It's quiet and peaceful just no love.
Jelly, I really do like you.
My good friend roiste, thanks for stopping by. I forgot about my PMA in regards to my wife. She spent the weekend in bed, she complained about being sick, sore throat and the typical other side effects. I steered a wide berth around her not to catch it. I offered my assistance on various chores, some she took, some she did not. Overall my PMA did not affect this weekends limited interactions. For now, my thought was to always be upbeat and positive when interacting with my wife and not fall into acting like her. For me that's all it takes. Keep my feet to the fire roiste, I really want to improve my PMA and validating skills.
Thank you all dear friends for your support. You have helped me in so many ways, some of which I can't even verbalize. I wish for all of you peace and contentment in your lives.
How are you doing? I apologize for not coming sooner - I've always read your posts but don't feel I have much to contribute. After all, I look at you as something of a wise father figure and struggle to feel like I have much to offer you. I'm sorry.
However, I noticed that while you had a relaxing weekend you only mention keeping a PMA (or appearance thereof) without many concrete tasks to actually generate a PMA. With the exception of your welding class do you have many opportunities to explore GAL activities away from your wife? It might help as you try to remain detached from your wife, while simultaneously providing her with a little space.
It's just a thought - can you let me know if I'm making sense?
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Just checking in on you. I've been living out of the back of my car, staying in five star resorts, and seeing a lot of the beautiful South West...all the while freezing my ass off. California this is not!
How are you doing on your GAL my friend? Anything interesting on your bedside table? I've recently cracked Brene Brown's Daring Greatly and am loving it so far. Very DB friendly.
Everyone on this board is daring greatly Mu, yourself included. Think of the courage and humility it takes to hold light in the darkest of our marriages. When I lie in bed in the mornings I still reflect on how grateful I am for all that's happened in the past year. It doesn't make me miss my W any less, but it changes the flavor of the rest of my experience. Since missing her is taking up less and less of my time, I want the rest of it to be rich and colorful.
Keep daring greatly Mu, keep standing with your chest up and heart open in the face of coldness. Men have endured far worse than we have throughout history and have passed tests greater than our own. I look to them with inspiration and count you among my brothers on this painful journey.
Sending you strength.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Thanks for stopping by Anna, I'll never forget your kindness. Considering my circumstance, I am well. Things at home run smoothly. We are just two emotional strangers living in the same house. It's quiet and peaceful just no love.
Keep the faith, Mu. You are there with her and I know you are working hard to be the man she needs. Sometimes growth and change isn't obvious...like a flower seed before it bursts through the dirt...but it doesn't mean it isn't taking place beneath the surface.
Thank you Anna, I'd like to think there's hope. Today I was putting mail for her on her dresser and I see a piece of paper with my hand writing in the trash can on top of all the trash. It was a loving note I wrote her 20 years ago that she's kept in her jewelry box. It hurt a lot to see it there.
PigPen, I miss you buddy. I like Brene Brown, I'll check it out. Thank you for your support, it really helps. I'm okay but disappointed that this is what has become of my marriage. I am more detached from her but not liking it. I will carry on and do my best even though if the odds are long.
Hi Di, nice to have you over, thanks for your support. I am trying to look on the bright side. It works for the most part although every now and then it gets challenging.
SciDad, I am just a man. I am approachable, feel free to jump right in and offer a suggestion. Right now the only formal GAL activity is welding. I am building myself a grow box cabinet. I normally work on it all weekend. I didn't this weekend because I have to paint the different components and it would stink up the house so I'm doing it at work. I should have most of it done for next weekend. This is a dead time of year for me, the winter is only time I don't have a lot to do. I have to get this cabinet done soon, come spring I'll be busy as long as I can stand. Giving my wife space is a good suggestion. She has her space and I respect it. I like being home with the kids. My son said to my wife Sunday afternoon "Mom, I didn't see you all weekend". She goes into the den and shuts the door which she said indicates she wants to be left alone. Please drop by anytime.
Thanks Fo. I took a very nice photo of my wife's face last March. For last Mothers Day I built three beautiful 5x7 Cherry frames with Oak backer boards instead of cardboard. One for my MIL, one for my SIL and one for me. I wood burned personal messages in the Oak on the backside for all three. My MIL and SIL were both very happy with the gifts. I hung mine up downstairs with other family photos. One day soon after I hung it up, I see it's down and find it in a drawer. I ask her if she put it there and she said yes she did. She said she didn't want to have to look at a picture of her face. I think it may have been what I engraved on the back. I wrote "Wife's Name, a beautiful mother and wife Tu es pour moi la plus belle". "Tu es pour moi la plus belle" is French. It translates to mean "You are to me the most beautiful". I now have the framed photo in my underwear drawer because she doesn't want to see her face. Question, was the message to much? Was I wrong to tell her how I feel? I spoke from the heart and truly believe she is the most beautiful. I just don't see what was wrong.
Thank you Anna, I'd like to think there's hope. Today I was putting mail for her on her dresser and I see a piece of paper with my hand writing in the trash can on top of all the trash. It was a loving note I wrote her 20 years ago that she's kept in her jewelry box. It hurt a lot to see it there.
I'm so sorry...I can imagine how painful that was to see. It's not exactly the same situation, but my H always kept a photo of me from our first date tucked inside an organizer he uses for work. It was there nearly 20 years also, but at some point over the last year, he got rid of it. It does hurt. But it's just something they do. I hope you picked up your letter from the trash and kept it. She might regret tossing it someday.
Hi Mu. I am sorry that your W's behavior is so hurtful. My H shredded some pictures of me shortly after BD and despite all that he has done, that remains one of the more painful things to me. I don't know why she took down the picture, or why she shuts herself in her room. I am glad that you are there for your son, and that you are keeping busy with some GAL activities.
Your W is on her own journey. We can't know what is in her mind, or if she will ever come out of it. I am sorry that this is so painful Mu. Please know that you have people who value you, who care about you and want to see you succeed and find happiness regardless of what happens with your w.
In one of my moments of despair and anger I ripped apart a bunch of pictures of me and H. I still love my H and yes now regret I did that. You never know what is going on in their heads. I know how confused I felt at the beginning, heck still feel like most days.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
