KGirl - new life, new stuff

[Mozza]

Oh, it's hard to read about such pain. I'm sorry KGirl you're hurting... I can feel it through the screen. Grieve all you need. I remember two months after BD, I asked my IC why I was still in such pain and he raised his eyebrows "It's only been two months". Just today, as I feel over my WW for months, I had a teary moment as I replayed part of our breakup in my head. So after a couple of weeks, you're really not at the stage where this has been going on for too long. What matters is your trajectory: are you doing things to get better and, if so, is it working, little by little? I do get the sense that you need to do a little more and remember: do things that you love. Don't do stuff you feel you have to do, give yourself permission for some things. Call your favorite friends, cook something amazing, visit your favorite park.

About getting out of bed: do you have something you look forward to? It's a tip for everyday life, but it's even more important when you feel down.

About sex: it's perfectly ok to decide you don't want to sleep with many men, but it's not ok to think that you're giving away a part of yourself when you do. You don't. I'm not sure where this idea comes from, but it would be interesting to explore. Sex can also enhance your life, even after the partner is gone, as you've discovered things about it and yourself, as you come better equipped into the next relationship (I refer to expectations more than techniques). If you keep thinking that you "lose" every time you have a new partner, you'll have difficulties entering healthy relationships and you'll cling to sexual partners if only for fear of having another. Perhaps you could read about positive sex online, as part of your post-breakup.

Oh and you can have a much higher bar for yourself than "He should stay with me because he's never had a real-life relationship before"! Don't you dare thinking that you pick up the scraps! In fact, it makes me fear that you picked him in part because you thought he would be a "safe" choice who wouldn't leave you given his history. Well, lesson learned. Now aim for the stars!

You've gotten over a much harder breakup before, you'll get over this one. Just be patient with yourself.