Okay, thanks for answering my questions. When you say you have access to her phone, emails, etc., are you saying that she knows you are looking at her activity or are you saying you have to snoop to see what she's doing? I'm just wanting to make sure I'm understanding everything correctly.

You can make the transparency plan the way you need it to be to help you feel more secure in the MR. It is not for you alone, but for your W, as well. I may have already said something about this, but it does help the WW stay on the straight & narrow whenever she knows she's being watched.

Having access to her phone, etc., is one way to be transparent. I think having discussions before an event actually happens would help. If she seems willing to talk about the transparency, and it appears that she is trying. This might be a good time to approach the subject about what to do to give her the extra support she may need in the future, if she's ever tempted.

When she gets home and the time feels right, you may tell her how much you appreciate her giving you reassurance when she went to see her grandfather. Tell her that you think it would be difficult for anyone withdrawing from an A. And that you have given thought to perhaps having some type of plan as to how to draw extra support/encouragement whenever there's a possibility of her running into OM, as a way to help her as well as give you added assurance. Then wait and see how she responds to this suggestion. If she seems to think it's you wanting to pin her down or control her, then you may need to put it on the back burner for a few days. Timing is important.

If she goes for it, then the two of you can decide what to do that would work for you. Her sending you a photo will be great. It proves she is where she said she would be. Having something in place for those times she's feeling weak would be helpful for her. Maybe she can think of something else that would give her strength whenever she feels really drawn to contact OM.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!