Doing better....Oh wait

[otw]

Ok
Off to have ending with kids and W. Will update later

[otw]

So here we go with the update for the weekend...

W called me friday afternoon to go over details for the evening. WE agreed to eat together before the monster truck show and agreed on times to leave etc..

I arrived at her house to get her and the kids and we were on our way. We went to dinner and everything was ok, made sure to focus mainly on kids. I feel the entire evening at dinner and on the rides I was the one to make small talk. Asking her about family etc.., she really didnt ask me much but was engaged in conversation.

We went to the show and everyone had a good time. Her and I shared a good amount of looks at each other during the event about what was going on and good smiles.

Felt strange watching her take pictures with the kids like I wasnt there, so I took some of my own!
Everything was going fine and as I was sitting there I got a tap on y shoulder. A woman behind me recognized me from high school as was confirming it was me. I chatted for a quick minute with her, it was loud and I had considered introducing W, but she was on the the other side of the kids and really didnt quite want to! At this point it seemed to me she acted a bit different for a minute. S5 was leaning on my and my arm was on the back of the chairs and D7 had her head on my arm. W demeanor was different she sat leaning away fro us and seemed a bit annoyed. This could be all in my mind, but who knows.
On the way home kids both fell asleep, I continued to make talk. After BD she said that she felt like she was pulling teeth to get me to talk. I know she probably meant on a deeper level, but i figured I should be engaged with her.

Got back to her house and we carried the kids in. I helped get them in bed. Of course they wanted me to stay. I somehow got myself ready to leave. I was getting shoes on and W made sure she stayed busy. She thanked me for driving and I told her I would see them at party tomorrow. I headed home.

At home I gave her a text about some party supplies and we exchanged a few messages. She actually sent one back thanking me for paying for dinner and she didnt expect me to pay for her and would give me money. Of course I said it was not necessary.

Woke up next day and S5 wanted something for breakfast the day before we didnt have time for with school, so I called to see if they were awake and took them the breakfast. Dropped it quickly and got on my way to get ready for the party. I left the house while W was distracted doing something and didnt say goodbye.

Party was interesting. Her mom, dad, stepmom, stepsister and plenty of friends of hers and mine were there with husbands and wives. Some friends i havent seen since she moved out. I could see the awkwardness for them, but i had the game face on and acted like nothing was different.

I ran around playing with the kids and so did her father. He greeted me by saying hello Son like he always does. We really get a long well.
Wife and i worked well together as a team for the party. everyone had a great time.

As i am putting on my game face the whole day and inside i was hurting, her mother comes up to me and pokes me in the side telling me how much she misses me. Ugh.

Then i see my mother and her dad and stepmom talking and later find out they were all talking about how they can not understand this.
As party was winding down everyone was gone except me kids, W and her mom and moms friend.
W's mom starts getting in on her about how she is too thin. She really has gotten a little too thin and the outfit she was wearing showed it badly. MIL looks over at me while she is saying this and says dont you agree?!. I just sat there with wide eyes like you are not getting me in the middle of this.

We all headed out and MIL friend is telling me that they miss me so much. I wanted to tell these people while it feels nice to know it is stabbing me in the heart.

So loading kids up with W and they start begging me to come over. I am trying to avoid the conversation, but D7 being very outspoken decides to take the conversation to W. W says if he wants to that is fine. Now of course i wanted to, but i felt intrusive. So i said i will come over in about an hour after i do some things and maybe we can eat dinner. W agreed.

I headed over and we decided to pick up from a restaurant and eat at her house. Dinner was interesting. We somehow got on topics f all the funny things kids did when they were babies and turned into story time. This was good to remember good times. Kids loved it. As dinner was winding down D7 starts bout how she wants me to have a sleepover and watch a movie. W told her she could watch netflix in bed for a while. D7 immediately said no she wanted us to all watch a movie on the couch and she wanted me and W to start getting back together! I didnt know what to say and didnt look at W.

That little girl is the best thing in the world!

The topic quickly turned to getting them baths etc..

I bathed them, got them in bed and then started getting ready to leave. W met me at the door and we chatted about a couple things not related to anything. I made sure to be soft talking and made eye contact. Then headed out.

Had to do switch next day and of course i wanted more time all together but i also figured i shouldnt press right now. I told W i was possibly taking kids to a trampoline park and she was welcome to watch them. It seemed she considered for a while asking about times. Later I let know when i would come get them and them times i was thinking. I believe she had plans later as she said she prob wouldnt go. Of course i was a touch disappointed, but did not let that show.

Anyway, that is about it.

Our interactions are definitely different now. We both answer the phone when the other calls to talk to the kids and we say a few word to each other. Before we would just let the kids answer. We spent a lot of time together, so now I feel i need to ease up for a while and see what happens. I am not sure about the amount of talking to her i should do, but i want to see what i get from her for now and then assess.

the issue is that it seems when i give a little more effort then she will as well. But i know i need her to process the weekend on her own and see what happens.

I am sure there is a little more i am forgetting but this was way to long a while ago!!

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

You got me in a couple of tears. I mean the kids asking you to stay and get back together. Its so sad that kids are the innocent ones in the middle. To them the solutions are so easy.

My kids don't even know that we are S yet. My kid got me and my W to sit on the same couch together. Kids do have some power in the sitch. Again I read your posts and see my possible future.

I wish you all the best.

[otw]

Vise the kids are wonderful. I wonder what effect they have on W sometimes.

I campout of the weekend happy But not overly cheerful to the point where i thought things would turn around.

I must say the dynamic is different but i really did not get a feeling from W that she was interested in anything or not.

therefore I will just keep plugging along doing my thing.

Planning on a trip for myself the next weekend without the kids. don't know where yet, but looking. I am also looking into taking some shooting lessons. I bought a gun years ago but never did anything. I want to take tactical lessons.

Then when the weather turns I will take up fishing as I know kids and I can enjoy this.



Last thing i want to get out is something I posted over on Vises thread about other women. I am treading very carefully at the moment. I have a few that contact me often and I have to keep things to a point of friends at the moment. The interactions are nice and everything but i think i definitely gave the wrong impression early on and let myself get carried away with what they may think. the following days I would be not in much contact as i realized that is not what i want and i want to wait this out until I don't even consider want ing W anymore.

not proud that I even ran the risk of I guess you could call EA, nit even that though, but it just felt so wrong.

[vise82]

Hey OTW, thanks for posting on my thread.

I am glade for you that you had a good event with the family. It will help you to keep doing what works. Seems like your having good interactions then backing off for a bit then good integrations.

The trip for your self sounds like fun. The thought has crossed my mind for a trip. Not a big traveler though.

Don't beat yourself up over the woman, you know you wont do anything you don't want to. Maybe honesty is best policy. That your looking for friends only.

Having a tough day but its nice to post on other threads for a change in what I am thinking.

[annab74]

OTW...I am sure it is heartbreaking hearing the kids missing you so much, but it sounds like you had a very positive weekend overall. Seems very hopeful!

I agree with Vise...don't beat yourself up over your interactions with other women. This is a tough journey to navigate and we are all just feeling our way through the darkness. You didn't intentionally mislead anyone, and you learned something from the experience. Now you can go forward from there.

[otw]

Thanks vise, anna

It is a crazy thing.

Today for some reason has been a little rough. Really no reason just a lot of thinking.

I do have a dance lesson this afternoon and then need to get some shopping and cleaning done. I may push some things off and go to a friends restaurant for an event.

I have noticed that I still am trying to manipulate things to try and get some traction in this. I have got to stop this. I dont think it is noticeable to W, but who knows.

trying to carry on!

[pinn]

what's new in the life of otw?

I just wanted to say thanks for posting on my thread a few days ago. I don't know if it was your words or the thought process in my head that they created, but I felt like a new man the next morning. I feel like the past 4-5 days I have regained the ground that I temporarily lost.

Hope you are doing well!

[otw]

Pinn
That is great I will update after the weekend.

As far as feeling better, I know we get stuck from time to time and need to vent. I know we think we can fix this even by ending it. It won't really end until our heart lets it. Sometimes I just need to Coke here talk and listen to others or just read and it gets me back in line

I am very happy I could help even if it was just a little

[otw]

It has been a little while so i figured I would update.

For myself, I have been working out reguraly as usual. Going pretty well. the weather has been cold with some snow mixed in so me and the kids got to do a little playing in that. I have been out with friends regularly as well. Having a good time. I have been interacting with females, on a level of just kind of being friendly and I think it is now noticed that i am single because the attention has definitely picked up. I am just taking what comes at me very easily as I have no intention of leading someone on and letting them think there is anything going further. I have told myself I will be friendly and if someone comes along and just floors me or blows me away then we will see what happens, but that has yet to happen. I dont know how to explain it but my W did that to me.

Kids are great. They have been very vocal to me about not liking their mothers house anymore. I have asked if they discuss with her and they say no. I told them maybe they should because she is their mom and needs to know if something is bothering you. I wasnt trying to lead them to throw something in her face, but i am not sure how to play this for their well being. The last thing i want to do is use the kids as pawns in all of this, but i want them to not worry about things or afraid to talk. Maybe they are telling me to get me to say something, but not sure how that would be received by W.

As far as the W goes, since the s5 bday weekend i backed off a bit. The weekend they were with me and she did not call either night to say goodnight. D7 makes comments about it and another one of those things that is not my issue to handle.

At kid exchange on sunday I took kids to a tramp park again and invited wife to join, she completely got there after we were done after she said she would come watch them, I just tried to tell the kids she must have been running late and moved on.
My d7 is a huge Hibachi fan and here and I were talking yesterday before school about it on the phone. W sent me an email during the day that was some things i didnt need info on and a few others i did regarding some questions she had. She was letting me know about thank you cards for S5 bday, signing him up for guitar lessons, then she asked how we do taxes for the previous year, and asked me about some moeny from a retirement account i had.
I informed her how the accountant said the taxes should be handled, then let her know since she never responded to me regarding some things she needed to pay for, i have been applying the retirement funds to that.
I tried to lighten the end of the email as it was strictly business and told her I am now craving the Hibachi place. I invited her and the kids to meet and eat dinner. Never got a reply.

Got a call later in afternoon from her. She had just picked up kids from school and she had to teach her classes soon. The kids hate going, so they always ask to come stay with me. I of course accepted the time with them. As she was leaving she asked if i still wanted to go to dinner. I said yes, and just let us know when she can meet us.

We all ate, had a good time. She had filled me in on some things she had lined up for her dance etc..

Now before we separated i had asked her if she ever wanted to look into opening her own studio and running a full business, she said she wouldnt have the time and likes the way she is going right now.
Now she is talking to me about her doing this and looking for spaces. I just listened and told her that it all sounds like good ideas etc..the business person in me knows the costs of starting this up and kind of stumped to where that would all come from, but i just kept all that to myself. She actually asked me for some numbers to people i know that handle leasing spaces.
So this led me to believe that the money situation is probably not far from becoming an issue. As she has not considered any other work during this whole time. I could be wrong and she may just be realizing all the talk she gave me about wanting to focus on her dance and everything when she wanted to leave was a little BS because all she has done is go out with friends all the time.

Who knows.

I actually feel different towards her lately. Cant really explain it. I still miss her and would like to work on things, but something is different inside of me. Hopefully it lasts!

Anyway, tonight one of my restaurants is holding a paint night and i will be heading up to work and check it out. Should be pretty good as we have a very good musical duo also playing at the same time. My partner there just informed me that there will be about 50 women there for the painting event! I guess i will be there!