Ebbs and flows

[SciDad]

Thank you for giving me some great ideas V and Sotto.

I've done a lot of thinking and I'm trying my best not to scare off my wife with too much pursuit or expectations. She says she's fence sitting, but something feels different. It feels to me more like she's afraid of what it will mean if she commits. Afraid of once again feeling the pain that initially caused her waywardness. I can see her trepidation and I think I understand it, but as I've said to others here I want to tell her that "sometimes you just have to say 'what the F---'" and take a leap of faith.

Maybe I shouldn't have, but I've told her as much in the past, and now I am working on showing her that while I don't know how things will turn out, I will never intentionally hurt her. It may still go south and I may still be the cause, but I will do everything in my power to not repeat my past mistakes.

I think one thing i need to do is go back to look at the different love languages and try to figure out which might resonate with her. Last time I did this I saw results, but I was haphazard and all over the place. Often I unintentionally "spoke" several languages at once and flooded her with too much attention. Of course she didn't believe it was real - how could she when I was coming on so strong?

So this time around I'm taking a step back and trying to be a bit more calm about this. I'll do my best to let her know I care, with no expectations of anything in return. Unconditional? Somewhat, because I still have boundaries in place. But measured. Because my wife is still acting like a trapped animal and doesn't trust the feelings that I think are developing toward me.