When the goal is positivity

[JulieH]

Zues, I am very afraid financially. I am afraid to make promises I can't keep when it comes to legal process. I have to look out in the best interests of the children for the rest of their lives. I am at conflict with what will protect me legally and what might work with husband. It would take a huge amount of trust for me to negotiate any type of settlement with husband. I would have to feel that he was looking at the kids best interests and I don't feel like his actions show that. I am very afraid of being taken advantage of because my family was.

There is another part of me that truly truly hopes more then anything that I have vilified him just as he has vilified me, and I believe that what you are saying is to stop villifying him, act with trust and compromise and he will live up to that trust. I did take not of your advice e and Wil reread before I meet with him and discuss any type of legal process. What you are saying is pretty on board with coach advise and ultimately what is necessary for reconciliation. I get it and do appreciate it.

I am starting to hear that he is confused. During our conversation, he said to me that I am highly emotional. That he too can change his mind and speak out of emotions, which is why he told me he wanted to move on and then said he didnt mean that. Deep down I don't think he wants this. I don't either. We just don't know how to separate out our hurt and resentment. We also have trouble commmunicating. Also when he talks to me he often talks with anger and harsh tones, yelling and it puts me on defensive. When I stop to filter out words there might be positive signs but I often get side tracked by the yelling. I get supercritical as well and will focus on negative.

I get caught up between being right and winning the battle vs winning peace.