have i been making mistakes too long part 7

[tkdmme]

Its been a while,

I've been aloof lately to be frank. I am doing well with GAL and im really feel that I have dropped the rope. Its a bit scary to know that now that I don't spent all of my time thinking of W and M. I was the only one still trying and now no one is trying. I guess its really over. I feel pretty good and I know that everything will be ok but with the Holidays coming im feeling a little sad.
We have always went to my family's for Thanksgiving and this year it will be just me and the kids going. Kind of depressing. Ill get through it and I cant wait to see my family.
Money is tight and im still getting the blame for it. Im worried about Christmas. We usually go to her family for Christmas but I wont be going this year. Ill find something else to do I guess.

Im really over this whole thing but the Holidays have me depressed. We have agreed to start the D proceedings after the new year. We didn't want the kids to relate Christmas to D. I will be moving out soon after that.

The weird thing is that we are getting along great. Detach really does work. It just didn't work in the way I had hoped. I don't ask her anything and she doesn't ask me anything regarding our personal lives. However, I still miss her from time to time. This has been a rough year!

Thanks to all of you who have been so helpful to me during this crisis.

[otw]

Keep your hope alive. Keep focusing on yourself and kids, b ut the physical separation may be needed. Either way you will detach even more then and be moving forward with a great life.

I was getting ready to find your thread and check in.

[Flight]

How is it going tk? Any updates? Is she still giving you the, "we are 'separated', I don't have to tell you my comings and goings?". I've heard the same.

[WhyUs]

tkdmme,

I have been catching up on your sitch. How are things going right now?

[tkdmme]

so, its been a long time since I posted. W moved out and took the kids on 1-3-16. She moved in with her mother. I have been getting the kids every weekend and for the most part we are doing pretty good.
I have been working on the house to get it ready to sell and trying to clean up the clutter. W was a pack rat and refuses to throw things away. I am feeling good about the changes I have made but I still get down in the dumps every Sunday when I have to take the kids back.
W seems to be worse and hates me even more since she moved out. She doesn't say much to me but when she does its just more about how I was a terrible husband and father for the past ten years and that this is all my fault. I know now that it doesn't matter what I do or say that she will still hate me and continue to blame me for her unhappiness. I have apologized profusely in the past and I refuse to do it anymore. I have owned my part in the decay of our marriage and have been trying to be a better person.
It seems that the improvements I am making bother her. I'm so sick of hearing how this is all my fault. It doesn't matter who's fault it is at this point. We are where we are and I'm just trying to bring some peace into the situation. However, this does not seem to be what she wants. I just want to be happy and move past all the bitterness and resentment. She on the other hand has embraced the bitterness and refuses to let it go.
I try to ignore the spew but sometimes I still fall into the trap.
Anyway, I just wanted to check in and give an update. I am still trying to maintain hope for our marriage but only time will tell.

[tkdmme]

Well I started writing and left out the latest event that I need advise for.
So S10's birthday is on 2-14 and happens to be on a Sunday when I am supposed to have the kids. When I picked him up Friday after school I asked what he would like to do for his bday. He said that W is taking him to south Florida to visit her sister. The kids have a winter break every year at this time and they have gone to Florida for his bday for the past few years. I was never able to go because of work. Anyway, it was not a surprise that she wanted to take them to visit her sister. The only problem I had with it is the fact that she sis not tell me. I figured since there has been no mention of it, that they were not going this year. I didn't say anything to her and I told my S that it was fine if he went and that we would celebrate when he got home.
So last night when dropping off the kids I asked to speak with her. I told her that I had no problem with her taking the kids to Florida but in the future I would like to be informed when she was planning to take them somewhere especially when the agreement is that I have them on the weekends. She flipped out and said that she doesn't have to ask for my permission to take them and that i was trying to control her. I calmly told her that she was right. she doesn't have to ask permission but i would like to at least be informed. She continued to yell and curse at me and before long she was right back to telling me how this is all my fault and that she wished i was still the uncaring dad that i was in the past. She said that all my changes are just an act to make her look bad. Good God this women is not the same person i married.
Did i do the right thing or should i have just not said anything about it?

[otw]

Seems you did fine to me. You stated what you needed to, let her attack and just stfu. She will prob keep doing this for a while, when she doesnt get a reaction out of you she will get tired of it and realize you are actually different.

[sandi2]

It's not that you did anything wrong, it's just that it won't make any difference.

[tkdmme]

Ok, There has been a turn of events. Just to recap my situation.
My w moved to her mother's house with the kids. I have been getting the kids every weekend and it has been working out just fine. My occupation sometimes requires me to travel and up until yesterday, I was going to be moving out of town at the end of March for a new project. My company pays a perdiem to cover any expenses such as food and housing.My W was planning to move back into our house once I was gone.
So yesterday I was informed by my company that I would not be going out of town and I would be placed on a local contract for the next 18 months.
I don't feel like I should have to move out of my house. I pay for it and it was her decision to leave. I do however feel bad that my kids will have to continue to live with the W at her mother's house if I refuse to move out. I would love for them to be able to move back to the house where they grew up but I did not put them in this position.
Also, how to I go about telling the W? I already know what will be said. She will want me to find another place to live so that her and kids can move back home. When I tell her that I will not be moving out she will accuse me of being selfish and keeping the kids from moving back home.
The kids can move in with me at anytime but she is not welcome unless she is willing to give the M another chance.

I NEED SOME HELP WITH THIS. Am I being selfish by refusing to leave the home?

[otw]

no, you are not being selfish. You tell her the truth about the work.

Why do you only see kids on the weekend? why can't it be 50/50 and they stay there when with you?