I think you're wife is gone. Maybe you don't want to hear that but it's true. You need to move on. You really do. Maybe someday your paths will cross again romantically but that's not going to happen now. Now, you need to get over it. I know it's hard, trust me I do, but it's the best thing for you to get over it.
In regard to custody of the children you need to fight for 50/50. She has no right to keep you from access to your own children.
