Well, WW is back to the cold / indifferent type attitude last night when dropping the pups off. She's been staying with the guy now on the weekends and sometimes during the week. Guess I knew that was the goal for her, just seems so quick. Also didn't know how hard it would hit me. A lot of emotional pain / anxiety going on right now and my coping skills that were working so well before don't seem to be working this time around. Went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 2am, couldn't get back to sleep. Not that I've been sleeping well, but I've been getting 5-6 hours of sleep most nights. Have a lot coming up at work today, so it's really bad timing.
In my IC I try to figure out where I am in the grieving process, thought I was somewhere in the middle? Now I'm wondering if I've been in the shock / disbelief portion and the really hard part is coming on soon (or now). I continue to pray for peace and strength. I come back here and write and it helps. I come back here and read the rules / lighthouse story and it helps. Lighthouse story helps me cry usually, and I really want to get more tears out. I see the perseverance of people here in similar sitches, and I question if I have that kind of patience / perseverance. I'm only 6 weeks in and estimating it will take a year for me. I still have hope for my marriage but am not as far along as I thought towards detachment. I remember that this pain / anxiety is a cloud and it will pass (hopefully today before my formal observation with boss). So, am I fully going kookoo right now? How do people here hold out hope for so long for someone that has hurt them this bad? Why can't I give up on my marriage?
M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
