We are both seeing going to counseling. Individually and couples. I thought we were working on things and improving and then 4 weeks ago I found she was still in contact. We had a big discussion and I asked her to leave for the night because I could n't be around her. She cam back the next day and told me that she had officially broken it off with the other guy. She said she was sad about it, but knew she wanted a life with me and there was no future with him. She showed more emotion on that day than she ever has.
Not sure what a transparency plan is, but I have access to phone, email, and tracking on her phone... but emails can be deleted and should could leave her phone in the car. Plus every time I check I feel crazy anxiety.
She is making efforts in some ways... she is reaching out and touching me more in bed (non sexual) and it sounds like she is finally opening up to her counselor.
She went to the city today. She brought it up last night and said she turned on the tracking app on her phone so I can check where she is at all times. She told me her exact plans and said she knew I would be stressed. I believe she is selling the tickets. I believe she will meet with her Grandpa... she will send a pic with him I'm sure.
This morning she could tell I was very anxious. I told her calmly that I am very anxious. I told her I want to believe her, but I am not to the point where I can without doubts. She said she completely understands, but it is over and I have nothing to worry about. She sent me a nice text saying that she loves me and appreciates me being open to her this morning and trusting her to do. All sounds good, but I still have doubts.
I agree that if she reconnects it will set us way back. But there is no way I will know if she does. So I will move forward doing the best that I can. Staying positive. I do believe she wants me and our life, but part of her really liked what she got from the OM. Only time will tell.
I will not bug her with texts today. I'm sure she will text me quite a bit. Bottom line is I still love my wife. I will not say breaking the NC ends our marriage but it will dramatically change things. She will be asked to move out until she can figure her crap out. I was a mess for a long time, but I feel strong now. Finances are not an issue. The kids adore me. Our friends will all support me. I think my life would be best with her in it (if she pulls her head out of the fog) but I am prepared to move forward without her.
She has NEVER said she doesn't love me, or that she's not in love with me, or that she needs a break... She continues to say I want you and our marriage and our family and we both have lots of work to do to fix things.
