REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!#3

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Zeus, for the most part I do agree with what you have to say when I read your posts. You seem to have done a lot of work on yourself and for understanding how people think and what they do. You think things through and try to help others by giving them advice. A bit long winded sometimes, but then again that's not a bad thing! That's why I asked for your thoughts on my thread.

It seems somehow that you have gotten the impression that I am just sitting here a crying blubbering blob that doesn't try to do anything to better myself of change at all. That is certainly not the case! I have felt down for the last few days and I do cycle between my moods/emotions, but that's to be expected.

As for my goals.... 1) I want to save my marriage. Guess that goes without saying. . 2) Loose weight--have been walking 3-5miles several times a week. I've lost 40lbs so far. I would also like to workout other than just walking (i.e. Go to the gym where I pay membership dues but never show up to participate in any classes). 3) Spend more time with my kids before they all move out of the house and are out on their own. 4) Rebuild relationships with my family and friends that I allowed myself to neglect because I allowed myself to be controlled and isolated. 5) Work on my marriage -- attempted this by going to counseling for 4 over months and talking to counselor. Finally gave up on this because I realized that I can't fix him and I can't make him want to come back to our marriage if he doesn't want to. This realization led me to... 6) Work on myself! I finally told the counselor that I didn't want to talk about my H anymore and I wanted to focus on ME and fix my self esteem issues. I go to IC once a week. 7) Become as attractive as possible (not sure if this belongs in the goals or 180 section). I wear makeup every day, fix my hair, bought new clothes, and I have lost and continuing to loose weight. I guess those are all of my active goals. I've also wanted to get back in to church, but have made no effort to physically go there yet. I have, however, been praying on a daily basis. Most days I pray many times just in case he didn't hear me.

My GAL activities have been almost nonexistent for the last week and a half, but that hasn't always been the case. I have spent a lot more time with my parents, my siblings and friends. I go spend time with friends playing cards, going out to eat, hanging out shopping in town. I have been to a couple of bars with my mother and her friend (she's my age). I even sang Karaoke twice! I've been out dancing twice with friends. I've gone to play bingo (didn't realize how expensive that is!). I go for walks. I have been to a few arts and crafts shows. I went to a couple of Christmas festivals. But, I guess for the most part I walk a lot and spend time with friends and family. Now, that may not sound like much, but for me that is huge because I'm normally a homebody!

As for 180's, probably not much in this department. It's a bit hard to do 180's when you are in almost constant NC with spouse. I guess that is my first 180. I no longer go over there and visit him all the time. He wants NC, so I try hard to stay away. I don't call, text, or go over there. However, on the rare times when I am around him, I try to validate as much as possible. I do NOT engage in any argument he tries to pull me in to. Considering that he likes to argue, that's huge for me. I usually try to avoid a fight but eventually get pulled in. Now, I just listen and validate.....and validate....and validate some more. UGH! I am taking better care of myself....loosing wt, makeup, new clothes, fixing hair, etc. Oh, and most importantly, I am faithfully practicing to STFU, being soft spoken while working on bettering my listening skills. I am bad about interrupting him, but no more. I will bite my tongue if I have to, but I will not interrupt! I also have not been disagreeing or correcting anything because he takes that as me calling him a liar or thinking he's not smart. Whatever!

When I am around H he tells me how nice I look. He tries not to look at me though. Says when he does, he never wants to stop. Or, he tells me I "hypnotize" him. That makes it seem like he's likes me, but then again, he doesn't want me around. I try to respect that so I am in NC, but getting tired of just sitting here.

Well, I'm at work and it's about to get busy again so I have to cut this off. I will check in later. Perhaps you'll have something more to add here. Maybe some ideas on what else I need to do or stop doing.