Firstly, thank you to all those who have taken the time to offer support. This has been without doubt the most difficult and painful couple of days in my life. I am being denied access to my two boys but did see them for a couple of hours yesterday. We went to the park, played rugby and zip slide etc. My boys tell me they are sad. They burst into tears when they saw me but I was nothing but happy and confident in front of them and after the initial tighter than usual hugs, they were soon laughing and giggling telling me all about their new house. I have not spoken to WAW except a couple of texts. I asked to see them next weekend and all I got was ' go through solicitor' I was warned by mine that this was likely as it is her last bit of power and control. I spent the weekend painting my living room, just to make it different. Hardly any point as I am due to receive an order to force it up for sale. I do not know where I will live. My divorce NISI is imminent. WAW and I have been separated for 7 months in same house and now live apart. In this time she has done absolutely zero to even attempt to communicate or talk about our M and R. This has hurt me so much. at first I did write but after finding the site did the rules. We came close a couple of times to reconciling but it never felt she was trying. She has been hell bent on perusing divorce and has mirrored her friends divorce in an almost spooky way. I think I can safely say there is no point what so ever even trying or thinking about the possibility of ever being a family again. My contempt at the way she has done things is making me bitter and angry. I have always been a positive person but I feel now like every day is just killing time till bed so I can hide from it all. I seriously thought about overdose over the weekend and it still seems like a viable option. I know I have boys etc but the pain is immense. I have always been a family man. Family was the most important thing to me. It has been taken from me and it looks certain I will never have it back. I don't want to GAL anymore. I don't like going out. I want to play football in the garden while wife bakes her cakes. I want to take my boys swimming as a family. I want to have them running in to Mummy and Daddy on a Sunday morning while we cuddle. Hope is just a trick. There is no hope. Just a long drawn out period of pain, anxiety, solicitors and hurt while she does what the hell she likes until I die of heartache.
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
