I agree with both of the above posts rain. Confirming an A hurts more than anything.
When I found out it was before DB and I pushed hard. Begging, fighting, crying. Pick one of Sandi's rules and I did the opposite. It just made things worse. The hurt is still there, it confirmed to me that I was no longer married to the woman I met.
Snooping never brought anything to light that made me feel better. Knowing that there was is an A did give me more reason to be better for myself and kids.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I found out gradually. It was an EA that turned physical at some point. It hurts like nothing else. And Saturday nights are the worst. I can't help but think of them together. It's a physical pain in my heart, almost what I imagine a heart attack to be. And it tortures me, like it is right now.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I read an article that scientists had discovered that emotional pain travels via the same circuitry in the brain as physical pain. Tylenol helps alleviate both pains. Google it! And then have a couple Tylenols...
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I found out gradually. It was an EA that turned physical at some point. It hurts like nothing else. And Saturday nights are the worst. I can't help but think of them together. It's a physical pain in my heart, almost what I imagine a heart attack to be. And it tortures me, like it is right now.
NY Gal----> I feel your pain as I think about it even though nothing has been confirmed and I have a phsyical pain in my heart...like a heart attack and it is painful
I am on the fence to continue to push on this button or not and get confirmation as I know the hurt will kill but it will also bring some clarity to me. She won't admit it I think ever since she is more worried about the stigma with my friends/hers but will say the reason I did this was you pushed me there anyway.
We shall see
Its been a tough weekend as we have temporarily put a kind of and/off weekend schedule spending in the house and with the D. But I am getting to the point that I am not going to be onboard with this anymore. I won't be a prisoner in my own house and wiht my own daughter unless I have to legally.
This will be a fun conversation. I won't blend the potential affair and time with the D together or that will be a keg of dynamite.
Outwardly I did fine this weekend with my friends Gal'ing but inside my heart just wants all of us back together working on our relationship. I don't know how/when that light burns out....
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Need some advice on continuing to pursue and push on knowledge of an A
Has denied denied denied and unfortunately I have believed her. But piecing things together and rolling back the clock, it makes more sense now of "I am done" with her past trips and potential long distance EA or PA or both
Kind of getting obsessed about this which is unhealthy and making me nuts. I found some info on some phone number/texts she has been contacting for months (just the # not the info) that insn't her girlfriends in the area.
I feel I need to address this with her. Will it change anything? Not for our relationship. But it may give me some peace in terms of being able to deal with her the next "XXX many years". I don't deal well with liars and this will not let me have any type of relastionship unless I feel I have done all I can to get the truth
Any advice from those who have had to address and get to the truth?
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
That is dangerous territory to cross. In my own sitch, the A was busted by S6. I had concrete proof with a witness. It helped, and at the same time it hurt beyond all imagination, even though I knew it deep in my heart.
Something you may want to consider is whether or not it will help the sitch move forward or not. Will confronting WAW about the A help establish boundaries and gain respect? Will it blow up in your face on speculation about phone numbers? Will it push the A further underground? These are all things to consider.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Squiggy-can't beleieve your S6 had the proof...ugh...that [censored].
Trying to consider all of it
The sitch won't change as far as I can tell.
I am confused and sick to my stomach that I don't know how to approach this. She is one that will deny deny deny but I think I may have enough to let her know regardless of what she says....I know where she is at whether EA or PA.
I may have to just lay out it there from start to finish and ask her to put it to bed...so to say...by just lets look at your phone together now if you are in full denial and I won't mention it again? Or.....lets just get this out there so we can try to have something civil moving forward for our daughter because right now I can not.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Hi Rich, one of the things that helped me is something Chuck told me. The OM is not who we should concern ourselves with, he is like traffic, the weather, something out of our control. I have been guilty of getting to focused and wondering what my wife sees in him, I had met him on a couple of occasions last year. He bored the life out of me each time... He is everything my wife told she would never want to be with.... I can't say the thought has completly gone away yet but I am believing in Chucks words. We can control ourselves and make ourselves better men and better fathers, if the situation is there. Something my wife always told me is how warm a feeling she got when she saw me play with my kids and we are having fun.
For me, it's been about finding my confidence and pride in myself, who I was before, not trying to change for someone else. I have tried to do that for to long, failed and ended up loosing track of who I was and the great person I was and will be again.
I had plans for this year to do things with my wife, places I wanted to visit. If she doesn't want to join, I am going to do them anyway.
One thing I did, and maybe people will disagree but it's hard to know what is right and wrong in this situation. A couple of days ago, I went to her, shook her hand and said thank you for waking me up, that she gave up on me too soon. I then left her and went to the gym. It helped give me a sense of letting go and one thing Sandi2 said that stuck with me is she needs to feel a loss, that the first thing she can feel the loss is of her husband.
It may not be right for everybody but it did help me in a sense, that I can be on my own if necessary, that this year can be good no matter what. I still have my struggles and difficult moments and do feel that my family all together would make the year even better but it can be great anyway.
