The start of my Happiness 3

[Tyler12]

Something I can't wrap my head around tonight and I am tired of banging my head against the wall so hopefully someone can give me some insight.

Why an affair? i understand my faults that contributed and the cries for help I missed or dismissed. The signs I didn't pick up and the signs I wrote off as her problem.

I also understand getting emotional needs met elsewhere when they are unfulfilled. I haven't and don't care to confirm PA. Though i suspect it and it wouldn't surprise me.
I just don't understand how someone can get to that point before you leave your S before D is done.

I accept my faults and I have been working my ass off to better myself for someone that has hurt me more than any person ever had or will.

Writing this out has helped me actually. I had opened a new train of thought as to why I have hope anymore. The fact that someone I love would do that to someone that they loved once fillse with disgust and resentment. I don't know if I can look at her the same anymore.

Right now if she asked to R I would give it a shot. I wouldn't jump at it like I would have a month ago. And in a month from now would I even give it a shot?

Someday I will confront her on all of this. But not until I know that the answers will not hurt anymore, that what I hear will not effect me. I will get to that point. It's not today, but I am a heck of a lot closer than I was yesterday.