Don't confuse the two issues. Daughter has linked the two things. And they are not dependent on each other. A yes or no answer is all that is required from her.
You want her to babysit as a contributing member of the family. An expectation that she has as the oldest child in the family who has the ability to provide support to her parents.
Your daughter saying no is fine. You will find alternative.
Her having sex with a partner in your home is not something that she can use to negotiate with. Sex is not a commodity. And the mere fact she has used it in this manner, tells me she lacks the maturity to have been provided with this privilege in your home. Because that is what it is.
You using it a point of negotiation is not ok either. G the horse has already bolted in this case. She already has wife's permission to engage in this activity in your home. No point drawing a line now. It will just be perceived as punishment by daughter if she says no to your request.
You don't need to, nor in my opinion should you accept her terms and conditions. Frankly if she wants to be adult, move out of the house and do as you please. Don't contribute to the family functioning at all.
I would simply say that you will accept her response as no and leave it that.
There is absolutely no point your trying to parent her and put boundaries in place now. It's too late. To be frank as parents you have been permissive with oldest daughter and you are now reaping the cost of this permissiveness.
Just my two cents worth G, (and to be completely honest I want to bang you and wife's heads together) Aaarrrrgghhhh! Sorry G, my personal frustration showing.
I am just so outraged at the idea of a father, the man who is suppose be the leader and protector of his family, does not have the b@lls to tell his wife "No, my child will not be allowed to have unmarital sex under my roof"! Let's hope to God your wife doesn't decide to let her take drugs.....thinking she's going to anyway.... and wants her to do safely at home!!
No wonder your daughter has no respect for you! You have to actually act like a responsible adult in order to have respect. No wonder she despises you and talks to you like she does. You have allowed her to do anything she wants........just so long as it is okay with mother........and you are scared to say something to upset her, afraid she won't go stay with you when you move out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I hear what you have said and I do aprichate your comments
When our daughter decided that she was ready to sleep with her boyfriend she had a conversation with my W and my W wanted her to be safe ...my daughter would have ended up finding other places to engage
My daughter has lost respect for me however she has also lost some respect for my W also ....my daughter is selfish as well
I will not be blackmailed by my daughter and I will find other ways to manage tonight I will take the toddler with me to the first event and then ask y sin to babysit for me so I can go out for a short while later that evening
Thank you
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
get a babysitter and do not get extorted by your own daughter. Demonstrate spine and say no to her and do mount a payback, not in a vindictive way, but in a way that she gets to see that actions carry consequences...
On only did she use her privillege ( you do realize sleeping with her boy boyfriend as an undersigned teen in your home is a privilege, not a right , I hope) she spoke to you with the utmost disrespect about your sex life to you and in front of her boyfriend! I would have pulled over the car and told her she's walking home. She has taken this privillege used it as blackmail and then talked to her as daughter should never speak to her father.
I, personally as a parent would take the privillege of her having sex with her boyfriend under your roof away and punish her. Not even for the blackmail, but for the way she spoke to you . Has she ever had any consequences to her action?
Wow!!! My mind is blown that your daughter would speak to you like that. If your daughter has absolutely no respect for you, how do you expect a grown woman like your wife to respect you.
I understand that you want your daughter to be safe but that is not the way. Like someone else mentioned, what if it were drugs? She could just as easily od in your house as any other. She can become pregnant or get an STD just as easily at your house as any other. Sorry to sound harsh but you and your W are inviting trouble. I don't know what you can do at this point but I wish you the best with both your W and your daughter. You definitely have your hands full.
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
Well I am not quite sure where I am right now family life with daughter being very rude W that wants not to live with another adult. She says that she feels totally unaprichiated yet she fired me as her husband yet she complains if I do not apriachiate her
My wife wants to live on her own away from me and my daughter has lost all,her respect for me so tomorrow I,am getting in an estate agent in to get the house valued we will out the house in the market ...I will be talking to her tomorrow to see if we can avoid soliciters for a long a Posable ....right now my W wants to be fair with the divorce equal shares equal child care what's in her bank is hers what is in my bank is mine no maintance to be paid either way I get to keep my cars she keeps her car ...this is very fair I could not hope for more from her
I will give her what she wants ...i have to give Her what she wants
Thank you for being there for me i am not quite sure how the next few weeks will pan out I expect the first legal letters by the end of the week Thank you again
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
you really should forgo what she says. She may have been unappreciated, but so what. Water under the bridge... Forgive yourself, no good will come from connecting your testicles to a live car battery to make up for it. There is a VERY good chance she is just fibbin' it, making excuses for her actions. Either way, let it go.
Take care of yourself, starting now. Grow a spine and a healthy pair of cojones. Time to tell some people to go fcuk themselves. It is very liberating to do so. Time to start demanding respect you deserve.
Time to start liking yourself, which with a bit of luck will lead to a love affair with yourself. No one else can love you, until you love yourself...
