In 2010 we separated for a year and she had two affairs. The first happened after a month of me moving out. She continued to flirt online and like men to give her attention.
Was this dealt with before you reconciled, or was it kind of swept under the rug? Have you seen any of the behavior that is similar to what you saw in 2010?
Something I don't think most LBH'S understand when they first come here is that the reasons your W may have had in the past relationship, could have led to this place.......but it isn't the real issue currently. The thinking of a H is usually that if he fixes the complaints, then it will fix the MR. There is just so much time a W gives her H to change these problems, then after that time has lapsed, she is done. She may still use the same old complaints against him........however, nothing he does to correct those complaints will change her feelings after she reaches the "done" stage.
So what's a H to do? You will get the answer over and over here on the board, but your mind will resist it. Detach, GAL big time, follow the rules, improve yourself as a man, and let go. Newcomers want a "how to" instruction list to get their M back on track, however, they don't believe this is it.
I will often ask a newcomer if they have read the homework Cadet gives, and they say that they have. However, when they ask questions that are answered within the homework assignment, it makes me wonder if they just skimmed over it. So, if you have not taken the time to thoroughly read those links, I want to encourage you to do so.
I have five threads on the subject of the wayward wife. I hope you will read them, and see if anything rings a bell.
For now, I am going to tell you to stop trying to persuad her. Let her think whatever she thinks. Let her feel whatever she feels. Don't try to convince her she's wrong. This will not be easy for you, but just try to keep your mouth closed about how she feels. Just live your life and let her be the observer, instead of you trying to coak her into joining you.
Don't let your fear dictate your actions. Use your value system, your integrity, your personal beliefs, and the information you are receiving to guide you in your decisions and actions.
What are you currently doing for yourself? Are you looking deep within to see how you need to improve as a man? Have you set any personal goals?
I am a former WW. I am still with my H. I can tell you that DB works. There is hope for you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
