surrealism is not my style

[Flight]

Zues, Not to hijaack the thread, but I would like to get clarification on your opinion of validation. When the spouse starts talking about their re-invented history and starts spewing about "all the years of hell you put me through" and "I was a marty just faking it for years to try and save my marriage until I realized I just have to move on", "what about all YOU did that caused me to have an affair", "you haven't changed, you still can't see how this is all about you and has nothing do to with my affair. The relationship was over long before I found someone else"

So, there are two schools of thought there. One is you don't stand for nonsense and tell them something along the lines of, "I don't accept your altered version of history and won't listen to what you are trying to use to justify your unethical choices". And the other is validation of some kind.

The question is, which way is correct and how is that verbalized? If validation is your answer, what are examples of a few things you think you should say?