Like most urges that one passed. Like you said Pinn. If it's positive my expectaions will grow and really I only wanted to hear positive.
Meeting up again today to drop off the boys. We had a good weekend. Got outside and played even though the wind was gross. Did some crafts. Made puffed wheat squares. Made Carmel popcorn and watched inside out again.... Haha.
Next weekend it's all 4 kids again. So I am looking forward to that. Especially because 1 it will be 4 days as we have a long weekend. And 2 it will be the last time I see them for a few weeks as I have to buckle down for the last week of school and then I have my trip the weekend after school.
Although I find my confidence in myself growing all the time and feeling better about my own and kids happiness I am starting to feel like I want the hope for MR to go away. Not that I want to stop loving S just to stop wondering if this is all worth it. To stop thinking ya all of this might make things better on top of it being important to myself. I want it to just be important to myself.
I know I am getting there because I am able to talk to W without expectation most of the time. I am reminding myself that I am doing things with no strings attached. I don't expect a reaction when I do things for myself or with the kids. And I feel less nervous approaching her with subjects I would have avoided in the past because of fear of anger or judgement that would have come from her.
The roller coaster is climbing today. Now to make sure the drop is short or not at all. Just level out into a train and keep chugging forward
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
