mleigh, I've been following your thread and I feel for you on the MIL issue. Your MIL sounds very much like my mother who has caused issues with me and w. If she is anything similar what she has over your h is probably guilt. My mother is a master manipulator and could always somehow make me feel sorry for her and/or guilty even after I was distant enough that I would (still do) go weeks w/o speaking to my family. I haven't stood up for my w like I should have (never sided against her)and now she has a lot of resentment towards me.
I agree that written word won't stick. I've had to explain boundaries with my mother as if she were a teenager (didn't realized I was doing it at the time. Not just giving a boundary that a sane person would understand and would know without saying, but having to explain why she can't do X or X and why. One hard one was telling her she couldn't watch my kids and why but it woke her up a bit. I'm sorry your h won't work with you on this.
Don't take it personal they don't compliment you on anything. If it is anything like my situation they probably don't know how.
