V is for Vanilla 27

[Vanilla]

So an examination of my role in the breakdown of my M

I have always accepted this, in fact I took the whole blame fully which isn't realistic

So as I begin to drop the blame and the shame and evaluate as fairly as I can

1. My lack of boundaries:
I had almost no boundaries at all. I only enforced when truly threatened

2. My lack of extreme care:
I put on weight to protect myself from WH and stopped caring for me
Food, exercise, lack of GAL, not dancing, going to see my family and friends

3. My failure to enforce the few boundaries I had
I permitted ranting and bad behaviour by WH and briefly had screaming banshee emerge

4. My permission to be abused
I allowed myself to be abused as I believed I deserved it

5. My focus on work
Work became my focus to be out of the house

6. My giving up my space
I moved out of the MBR, left WH to the living room

7. My being the responsible one emanating from my unacknowledged FOO

I paid for almost everything allowing WH freedom to do as he pleased

8. My silence and failure to Validate WH

I stayed silent on the abuse

9. My PTSD

Not seeking help for this sooner
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Things I am not responsible for

1. His wayward behaviour

2. His gambling, spending and drinking smoking eating rubbish

3. His anger

4. His opinions and beliefs

5. His redundancy

6. His poor choices

7. His refusal to address his stuff, have IC, go to MC, go to GA

8. His abusive behaviour


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If I think of more I will add

I am working on my action plan to address the things I am responsible for


V