It goes one way or the other. Maybe this is as much as it gets. I don't know what I can say to avoid a temporary seperation. She tells me the last 2 years how it should have always been but adds that I am not doing anything just me being there causes issues. Again I feel I am faced with a hidden agenda. One thing is though I said out loud that she is having an affair. She told me she had never betrayed me. what did she say yes she would want a relationship with OM. I knew more but disnt want to confront. We all are keeping lies. What a world!
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
You need to stop being such a weak male. That is why she's disrespecting you so openly. Why are you putting up with so much disrespect in your own house? If you're not kind of your own castle then your queen will look for other kings, which she is. You need to put your house in order.
TxHubby, the weakness is bothering me yes. Specifically with somebody who has dealt with depression for a long time. I have developed ways to carry on. Can't get my head out of this one. How should I put something in order?
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
Man up and tell her that infidelity is 100% unacceptable and WILL NOT be tolerated. You also need to know where you stand so talk to a divorce lawyer right away. If you can afford it then do initial consultations with several of,the top defense lawyers in your area. If you do that then your wife wouldn't be allowed to use them. Be the leader of your house. While you stay passive and afraid to confront, this creepy snake OM is pulling her further away telling her everything she wants to hear.
I am totally confused. Some experts say confront others back-off. I am not doing this due to passive behaviour. I'm doing it based on what to do when W doesn't admit the affair when confronted. I already have confronted her. I will be assertive and express my feelings. Reading self help confuses me more.
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
That's because there is no right answer. You have to assess your situation. You know your spouse better than anyone here. These sites are for guidance and suggestions on what to do but they're not gospel. I did the passive supportive thing for over a year. It didn't work. Then I gave up, rediscovered my manhood, and put my foot down. I said I don't need this. I have too much respect for myself to be treated like this. I'm taking myself out of the competition for you. Go be with your cheater. I'm done. Then I filed for divorce. It worked. It snapped her out of her MLC fog in a nanosecond. Then she became the pursuer and I became the pursued. Check my signature. We're still together. No more drama. No more MLC. You're too good to put up with this. It's not a macho thing at all. It's a self-worth, self-respect thing. She'll never respect you as a husband if you dontb respect yourself first. Nobody ever respects a doormat.
I am totally confused. Some experts say confront others back-off. I am not doing this due to passive behaviour. I'm doing it based on what to do when W doesn't admit the affair when confronted. I already have confronted her. I will be assertive and express my feelings. Reading self help confuses me more.
Just confronting her usually doesn't do anything. She will either lie to your face, or tell you she doesn't care. The point is that you have to have more than just confronting her. Do you understand?
If you are too scared to tell her to stop, or you know you aren't going to back up something you tell her, then what good does it do to confront her?
In your case, you have already confronted her, but that's all. She lied about it. So, now what? You have tried to ignore it for a long time and it has not gone away. I understand depression, but is this the way to deal with your health issues? Do you get suicidal?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
