WH was insistent I had one at the gym. I disn't realise why and I now know that it's because he didn't want me turning up at the office or house unexpectedly to collect gym clothes or water etc. Also he was then able to say V you are never here and I want to eat at 6 pm. If I went home I could cook for him then go to a gym session for 6 30 session. I didn't think I needed a locker.
I haven't used my locker, and I am panicked about it.
It's in the ladies changing room so no surprises. I just don't know what is in there.
In fact I haven't been into the ladies changing rooms. I used to take WH granddaughters swimming and we changed there. WH started accusing me of being miserable and the girls didn't want to go swimming. I paid for their membership and WH. He can celled the membership and took the cash.
The ladies change is busy and I am afraid of a panic too. It's Sunday so later it will be quiet. I am going to explain to my favourite in the restaurant and ask her to accompany me and if I seem panicked guide me to a private area to have my panic attack.
Then I can use my go away tricks to the PTSD.
So my strategy is to do my concentrated breathing, and visualisation. See myself calmly opening the locker, sorting the stuff then closing it in advance. I could wear headphones, people do in gyms all the time that would not be unusual.
I am going to do havening with my eyes, go into the disabled loo to do it and afterwards into the disabled loo and do it again.
Convert the vision in my head to a cartoon, shrink it AND SWISH AWAY. (NLP technique)
Then I am going to the sauna with my stuff and I will return to put it in the locker.
I shall repeat this every day this week and then four times a week until I am desensitised.
V
Until we can mourn the past we are doomed to repeat it
