Hi Rouky, Thornton, Rain, Rednail, Irish and Ciluzen. Thank you all so much for checking in on me, it has meant so much to me to come on here today and see that there are people who care.
I have been reeling the last few days and just don't really know what to do next or where to turn.
I ended up texting H that night after the row to apologise. Didn't hear back from him of course. Then the next day he text saying he hadn't intentionally ignored my texts and would I like him to bring us all a takeaway for tea when he brings D home from the party!?!?! What!?!??! I had a late meeting which was why I couldn't take D to the party so I agreed to the takeaway.
When he came in he appeared most concerned about convincing me that he really hadn't ignored my texts last night. I just said OK.
D hurt her arm at the party and couldn't move it so I ended up taking her to A&E while H stayed home with S. It was very late when we got home and thankfully it isn't broken although she's still struggling to move it properly.
Friday he didn't come round as promised to the kids and just text me at 7:30pm to say he wasn't coming round as he felt *%*%.
Today he knew I would be at a club I go to and five minutes after he knows it finishes he text asking me to let him know when we were home so that he could come round. My Dad drove and we had to pick the kids back up from my parent's house so in the end we weren't home until two hours after H's text. We got home to find all the lights on and H had let himself in. Not sure how I feel about that really. I know he has every right as it's still his house too but it just seems wrong to do that when you've decided to leave and live somewhere else. I didn't mention it though and he seemed annoyed that we weren't in when he'd shown up. He said he'd been ringing and texting as he was going in to work earlier than usual. So he only saw the kids for half hour tonight. All he did was tell S off for one thing or another in that half hour then left.
I am not doing well at all. I am back to waking up after nightmares about H. I am crying myself to sleep and cry when I wake up and realise this is all real.
Originally Posted By: Rouky
Looking back at your situation it feels like H knows that you want R and I think he is playing on it. Don't let him do that to you.
Rouky, I see what you're saying, how do I not let him do it to me? I'm not sure how?
Thornton, I think you are probably right that my pain is causing me to be snappy. I need to try harder to keep a check on it when he's here.
Rain - I have no idea what my 180s are or should be. I really do feel so lost about it all. I could do with some help on goal setting and 180s. I can't seem to think straight about anything anymore.
