REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!#3

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Meh....nothing going on. I guess I feel myself slipping back into the darkness. Not liking it much, but don't really care enough to stop it I guess. Haven't been getting out at all. Just sitting here thinking about things and getting really frustrated and defeated. Haven't even been exercising or sticking to my "diet." So, on top of everything else, I get to feel like a failure because I've gained 5 lbs. Just so tired of this constant and never ending stress.

My youngest has been staying with her sister since her Dr appointment on Thursday. At some point today I will have to go meet them somewhere so I can get her back. My oldest texted me today to ask when we were going to meet. I told her I didn't know. She then asked "Did you just dump **** on me to keep?" LOL, how sad is that? I haven't even talked to either of them since Thursday. I know they probably think I don't care, but I just really don't have the energy for anything anymore. I REALLY need to pull myself together!!!!!

I sit here and read everyone's threads and how they saw their SO here or there, or had this interaction or that interaction, and it just makes me so sad because all I have is NC. That's it. I don't get to see H, or hear his voice, no text, nothing. It's like I don't even exist to him at all anymore. And, other than a handful of interactions that I forced on him, we have basically been NC for about 4 1/2 months.

Oh dear God...now I'm sitting here with tears running down my face. I havne't cried in the last 2 weeks. Just haven't allowed myself to go there. Just really having a hard time I guess. So painful. Tired of doing this.