I do feel stronger. Not fully strong but I have a lot more happier days than sad ones. I'm slowly learning that I haven't made the choice of cheating and this one is on STBXH. Looking back I'm glad I didn't go against my values, and that when I pass away, I'll be able to look back on my life and say my M wasn't perfect, I didn't listen to STBXH but at least I never disrespected my OH and I stayed true to my values.

Not much comfort for you at the moment, I know! Later on you will realise this. Look after yourself and your little ones as at the moment you are their rock and they need their mummy.