Dread Pirate Roberts

[Butterc]

Linking from the newcomers board

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...035#Post2650035

Moving over from inactive infidelity board. It's an actual MLC; the infidelity was just part of it.



http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2646860#Post2646860

This Buttercup knows that the Dread Pirate Roberts "killed my love."

The young man I married "Wesley" was so awesome. Everyone thought so. Now that same "everyone" is in shock at his actions.

I don't know what it was about this week. My guess is that it was 2 years ago that I discovered the emotional affair. Now it is obvious he was unhappy with turning 49, and chose to seek validation from adoring co-workers.

When I discovered it, he did not want a divorce; he wanted to work on the marriage But He Didn't. I see now he was so conflicted with his new path: He has been unhappy for years and kept hoping it would get better. The young suitor inside remembers the love and attraction and he "gives it a try." He gives it a try for years, all the while being discontent.

He disconnects and falls out of love. He perhaps is depressed: no desire to change, no desire to fight, no desire to examine his feelings. Retreat and discover that others make him feel pretty good. In comparison, he can't see what he has. He has a damn great wife, awesome daughter, amazing family, successful job, dream home, fabulous vacations..... and this old man looking back in the mirror, and this old man seeing an older woman replacing the Bride Buttercup.

Dissatisfaction grows and now here he is, out of love, in the fog of ow, moving out to minimize any responsibilities, telling himself that by providing financially is making sure the LBS is "taken care of."

I've dropped the rope. I am letting him go. I was able to get catharsis with an intense interaction yesterday and I realized: I'm right in the middle of this situation, in limbo, and I will not stay on his road. I'm on my own. And surprisingly, I am discovering I am having some compassion for the place he finds himself. It doesn't make me hurt any less, it doesn't make me want to divorce, it makes me see his hurting and wonder if he will ever realize that we have something worth keeping. He may never realize this. But I realize that. I've done everything I can to hold this M together. I am strong and true to my values. I can hold my head up and present the best example of an independent woman to my daughter. And hopefully, I'll be able to sleep at night soon.