New night(s)

[trumpet]

Kyrie,

If the cards didn't get dealt in the way they were, I might still be using porn. It was a crutch for me; I used it as a stress reliever, a way to combat the sexless marriage, a way to feel good about myself (which it did - for a few minutes, and then the shame would kick in), escape the world.

If my wife and I had more sex, I was apt to use the porn less. But would I have stopped? Unlikely. It took my world turned upside down to stop. Similar to what a wayward might need to stop their addiction to OM/OW.

If he's spiraling with porn, and has dabbled in other depression-inducing behaviors, he's just going deeper into his hole. I don't think having sex with him will do anything - I actually think stopping all affection might be a better response. You separating is probably what would take him to snap out of it. But separating would/should be for you. From your posts, you probably have a good deal to work on yourself.

Matthew 18:21-35. Parable of the unmerciful servant.

I have come to learn that I am the unmerciful servant. True forgiveness of my wife will mean dropping all my bags, and having no expectations or atonements from her. That her debt to me is 'paid in full', just like Jesus paid my debt.
This hit me like a 2 X 4 today. It put me in my place. And I have a new focus on the marriage.

It means I have work to do on myself. Before I can say ANYTHING about my wife to her. She has her own planks in her eyes, but I have them as well. I need to lead by example.

In your case, God might be tasking you with helping your husband. But not by enabling him. By getting him to a spot where he has just one person to call - God. He's really leaning on you - he's looking for absolution from you, but you're not the one to give it. He has to look much deeper, past his current state, past his transgressions.

How are you preparing yourself for when he hits rock bottom?