Hope is not a Strategy- It looks done

[Squiggy]

and can't control it anyway

Because she has her own path to walk just as you do. It's a hard concept to truly internalize and do something with.

Hate & anger. Not a good feeling especially when you still believe you love someone.

I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell my clients. It is OK to feel those feelings....so long as you focus on the behaviors of the person, instead of the person themselves, and not act out of anger. However, really take a look at those two words: hate and anger. I bet it closer to disappointment, betrayal, hurt. It's like us guys are bred to show the deeper feelings as anger. We're taught by our male society that when something hurts (betrays, stresses, frustrates, etc) us, then beat the crap out of it, one possible reason we tend to be fixers. You have control over your choices and actions, even in those worst times.