Hope is not a Strategy- It looks done

[Rick1963]

The first few months are the hardest especially when under the same roof. Start living the single life as much as you can..embrace it even if it hurts. It helped me to be reliant on me..i was with exw 26 years. I pushed my self to do things without her permission. Little by little I felt more in control of my days.

It was strange to watch my best friend turn into my worse enemy..I still dont undetstand it. She told me on her way out what a "great guy and husband" i was. live your life my friend. Wait on no one....

[rich4j]

It was strange to watch my best friend turn into my worse enemy..I still dont undetstand it. She told me on her way out what a "great guy and husband" i was. live your life my friend. Wait on no one....

Strange it is Rick. She definitely says the same things but great guy, great dad...not great husband

All great advice. She just tries to suck me back in as under the same roof isn't easy but I aint leaving yet. There was a situation just this am about a certain household task thing that used to drive me crazy that she did and while I was away, she did it again and sent me a text "sorry...I know that drives you crazy...forgot..." Which her saying sorry is like the most unusual thing.... She is trying to be my friend....I didn't respond except thanks for the note.

[rich4j]

Tonight was a tough one for me.

Anger and dare I say the word "hate" come into my belly and raged

Had a dance event with my young daughter...dinner out..fun time with others we know and their daughters and dads.

Almost lost it when "Daddy's Girl" dance came on with my D. I am out there like a sap almost ready to cry looking around going all these happy dads with their daughters and my STBX is putting me thru this...

Hate & anger. Not a good feeling especially when you still believe you love someone. Glad she wasn't home when I got home.....

Love my Daughter.

[Squiggy]

and can't control it anyway

Because she has her own path to walk just as you do. It's a hard concept to truly internalize and do something with.

Hate & anger. Not a good feeling especially when you still believe you love someone.

I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell my clients. It is OK to feel those feelings....so long as you focus on the behaviors of the person, instead of the person themselves, and not act out of anger. However, really take a look at those two words: hate and anger. I bet it closer to disappointment, betrayal, hurt. It's like us guys are bred to show the deeper feelings as anger. We're taught by our male society that when something hurts (betrays, stresses, frustrates, etc) us, then beat the crap out of it, one possible reason we tend to be fixers. You have control over your choices and actions, even in those worst times.

[G8r]

Have to agree with Squiggy. Differentiate between behavior and the person. K8nd of like hate the sin, not the sinner.

It's also much easier to show anger or similar emotions rather than hurt or pain. Keep in mind the opposite of love is not anger, it is indifference

It's also all right to feel sad. Hang in there. Vaya con dios

[Squiggy]

Keep in mind the opposite of love is not anger, it is indifference

This is so true. If I didn't care for you, I would pay you as much attention as I do the person walking next to me on the street.

[rich4j]

I bet it closer to disappointment, betrayal, hurt. It's like us guys are bred to show the deeper feelings as anger. We're taught by our male society that when something hurts (betrays, stresses, frustrates, etc) us, then beat the crap out of it, one possible reason we tend to be fixers. You have control over your choices and actions, even in those worst times.

Agree Squig. It is more about hurt and not the person themselves but everything they have done to get to this point over the last 6+ months.

I fluctuate daily on things and really really really believe after all this time in my heart she has another love interest that is in another town 5+ hours away that she visits her best friend probably 1x or 2x month now. I have dug into things and confronted her but she denies denies denies.

I just go back in our history and while we did have issues, I think this sparked the exit stage left. I guess we all go through the "why why why" 1000x times and i have to default to "it must be an EA"

Time will tell perhaps the truth comes out.

[rich4j]

And I can't figure out for myself if I continue to push for the truth and try to uncover any type of EA/PA will it hurt more or less or will I be relieved?

She comes from a family who have cheated and I feel she just doesn't want this to be going around to my/her friends if she admitted to it

Another frustrating part of this entire life changing event.

[Free]

If you choose to investigate a possible A , and you find one, you will be hurt like no hurt you ever felt before. It will make your current pain seem like a day in the park.
After months of thinking there was no OM, I had an idea something was happening, but confirmation makes it real. Despite the hurt, I'm glad I did it.
It let me know exactly what I was dealing with and allowed me to take control of how to proceed.
As opposed to what I had been doing, which was basically trying to improve myself while hoping for a change in her. Constant vigilance in watching her actions. Expectations were always there.
I didn't truly improve until I knew the truth.
Some here say it is better not to know. Others say it is important to investigate and know what your S is doing.
I agree with the latter. If you find an A, it will hurt. In time, you will be relieved that you finally know the truth.

[Squiggy]

Instead of 5 hours away, her's was 2.5 hours away. Odd that it began to be every weekend....Like Free pointed out, it hurt like hell to find out. I knew in my heart what was going on, but I wasn't ready and was not in a strong place. I pushed, and that push back was HARD.

Whether you find out or not, you still have the same task ahead of you. That hasn't changed.