2016 a New Year - getting out of my own fog

[Irish M]

Hi Peace
I think you are right.

I also think some people follow the script of their parents

I will not let my girls follow their moms path that's for sure. I always said to W she reminded me of her mother. She hated that. It was small pockets that would shine through. The cold and narcissist way about her mother that I saw in my W. It would last 10 min or an hour.. but it was there. Slowly creeping out to take over the loving , caring W that I knew.

So I think I have to accept that W is no more. W had so many issues with her Mom. Cried so many times. Now W is her.
I've said it a few times that I would never date someone like her mother. I can't even call her MIL any more because of what she did to my girls. A grandmother she is not. Both girls will have nothing to do with W's mother.

This week every emotion was coming out of the D's. Anger and hurt to sadness and pain. We talked a lot about the past 7 months and for some reason last night it was so emotional for them. I did not cry or say anything. I let them talk. They were on the couch glued to each other. They were crying a little but not huge tears. More emotional tears of sadness and maybe acceptance.

They have such a view of this that if anyone heard them on the details they have on what W did, they would be in shock. No bad words or name calling, no blaming her either. Just the facts of what she did to them and me. The recall more than I do. They brought up the police a lot on how W tried to push me to snap at her while she was taping every conversation we had back then. Hoping I'd yell at her and she'd call the police and claim spousal abuse or whatever she had as a scheme back then to get me out of the house. I did remain calm. They also talked about how when i was out of the house in the beginning W use to get annoyed if the D's came upstairs. They slept together when I was away. This was only one week because right after all her outburst and drinking and offering D15 who was 14 at the time some pot if she wanted it the girls never left my side. They were afraid of W. When W finally left the house in August the D's would sleep in the upstairs living area with mattresses on the floor. They only started sleeping separately in their own rooms in late September.

I let them vent and even threw in a joke or 2 to lighten the mood. we finished by talking about the stories I use to make up about a boys adventures that went wrong. I did this every night when they were 6 and 8yrs old and stopped when they were about 10 and 12. D13 wants me to start again. :-) I will make one up next week and this one a special one, I'll include 2 young girls 6 and 8yrs old based on my D's.

I went to bed and I cried. They are dealing with this and I can see they will be affected by it for the rest of their lives. I have either forgotten or blocked out some of W's actions 7 months ago. They recall it all and it seems they have a lot more inside to tell. I am going to look into personal therapy for them. The last time the D's saw a therapist they said that the girls were fine. They are expressing their emotions openly. They are doing well in school, sleeping and eating. They are also not hurting themselves or taking it out in an aggressive way on others. I'm still worried for them.

Today the D's woke up happy. I told them they could each have a friend sleep over.

So tonight I hear them laughing up a storm downstairs. Watching movies and YouTube. I ordered in some food and just finished preparing a chocolate fondue for dessert. I guess the venting last night did well because they are back to their cheery selves. Being kids and enjoying life. That's is the most important thing for me right now.. is that they remain kids. They have plenty of time when they get older to worry about the dark side of life.

Tomorrow i'll take them on a safari drive through a state park. Its were the animals roam free (well in a gated section 2 hours north of the city).
Deer, moose, antelope, wolves, black bears, buffalo etc etc etc.. All local to this area or northern parts of the country. We use to go their when they were a lot younger. They are excited to go.


Irish