You did it wonderfully. Don't feel disappointed on yourself. I totally endorse all Squiggy words ^^^^^^.
Why do you think many people, professionals, and whole field of studies say that this is one of the biggest impacts on a human being. Because it breaks us down to our cells, our core.
Give yourself time to process the whole pain, cry and let it out. It's not fun, but it is healthy to cry because you are in pain.
Please, as a homework to get you busy and taking care after yourself:
1. Eat - Even if it is no much, try to eat a fruit, something light on your stomach.
2. Sleep - It is very important, even if you keep waking up at night, try to sleep when you can. If you don't, then your brain will work against you.
3. Exercise - if you research, you will find the explanations of the many chemicals that are released into your brain when you exercise. They are good for you, they are good for your mood.
4. Have your faith close by - if you believe in something, this is the time to get it close to your heart. You will need that so your pain is not so strong and you will lean on something right now.
5. Support - choose a friend or two that you can talk. Tell them straight forward that you need them, that at this moment you need their friendship so you can talk about your issues. Have support for your kids too.
6. Read - keep reading all the good material on the subject. The more you learn, the more you understand, the more you see that it is not the end.
7. Lawyer - Did you have your appts already? Do you know everything you need to know if you are served next week. I am not saying it will happen, I am saying you need to be prepared for it. Are you keeping the house? What about alimony, do you think you will get any? Is your car paid off? Start your survival kit - I mean start buying no perishable items that you can stock up, leave it in your mom's place for now. This are things you can have for awhile if things go sour and you make some savings on that. You don't need to do anything for now. You can wait for him if he will ever move forward with this. But you need to be prepare for it all.
8 - Therapy - you still have his insurance, get that apt today. I actually told my XH once it happen. I told him I needed to be on his insurance and treat myself, he agreed. Get your contact lenses ordered. If you need any check up, do it now.
9 - Don't despair - you can cry, feel bad and miserable. But do not despair. Many couples get back together. I love TO324 story - she walked in burning hell and she kept DBing, so many times she said she was done, no hope. And now, she is right beside him. Yes, he finally got his S**t together and said that he would like to give it another try.
Squiggy walked a hard and painful path and now they are back together.
I am divorce and I get texts from my X every single day. We are not done yet.
Just use this time as you said, focus on you, think about the things that you want to change and try to figure it our how to get there. Some things may happen fast and some other ones will take longer. You do not need to be misses right tomorrow.
Be gentle with yourself. Eat chicken soup. I know it is unfair to ask you to do all this now that you are hurting, but there is no other way out unless you have someone doing it for you.
Be strong, be positive, now the good fight started. Prepare yourself for battle and be the best of you.
