I think I finally broke today. I think today he finally broke me to where I can't DO THIS ANYMORE. I feel like crap. I feel rejected. I feel awful. Having him pack up his work tools, some bigger items, some more clothes. I think it HIT me that OH S***. Like before I know he said it was over and we are getting the D but 80% of his stuff was here so maybe my brain was in more denial then I thought.
I ruined my DB today and asked him if he was talking it all with him. He was like yes..obviously i'm putting it in my car. I was like oh just wondering. He did something and I asked if he was taking it too and he was like i'm not taking everything that I touch with me.I was trying not to cry on the inside and I didn't say anything else after that but kinda avoided him. He said I was acting weird. I was trying not to break down.
When he left he gave me a good hug, looked into my eyes and wouldn't say anything but just stared at me, It made me so sad. I just took it just really gave him a nice long hug as a goodbye, last time I want to hug you because it hurts me too do this anymore.
I feel like I needed it today and I smiled and said bye. THEN I broke down bad. I'm home alone crying because it keeps getting more and more real that he is serious and it's over.
I think it will be less pain if I say enough now. I didn't think I could be this hurt by him just taking things.
I am also on my "time of month" so It makes me SUPER EMOTIONAL. I cry watching cartoons. I cry listening to the radio so idk if it's that or if I'm just this weak or what. I don't know.
I have 4 days to get it together. 4 days until I see him again. I am spending the next 4 days working on me and going MIA unless it's about the kids I think I have to go into a bubble and get my s*** together or else I'm going to break down every time I see him.
