I'm not sure exactly how this works but here I go. My wife and I have Been married 9 years. We have two boys ages 7 and 5. On November 20th, 2015 I had a huge screaming match with my 17yr old (from a previous relationship)whose been living with us for 6 months up to that pint it was 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. During the screaming match i upset the youngest boy and my wife took both kids to our bedroom and locked the door.
The next morning she called my 17 yr old's mother and said he needed to go back and stay with her awhile. That next day my wife said that was a horrible person and that she had not been happy for several years. She than told me she loved me as the father of our children but that was all. Since November 20th I've been sleeping on the couch and she is totally shut down to me emotionally. I've done everything to better myself good and bad. pleaded, begged, back off, went dark, etc.... I just don't know what to do at this point. she hasn't filed for divorce, but I feel it right around the corner. I know I'm all over the place with the way I'm acting, but this is the most lost I've ever felt. It's like a switch went off and she's totally a different person. I just don't see how someone does this. Any advice at this point would be helpful
Married:9 Kids: 2 Boy 1 Boy from other relationship.
Last edited by Cadet; 02/01/1611:27 AM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I feel like I may be reading too much into things, but here you go.
Wife has paid a lot of our debt (minus Mortgage and car) in the last month. I also just found out she has gotten her own visa credit card yesterday. Didn't tell me about card found out through account she applied for. i feel like she's staging for divorce or seperation. any thoughts?
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
What was happening in your marriage before the blow up with your 17 year old? Is he still with you and your wife? Raising teenagers is tough, but there must be more to this than an ugly/scary arguement.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
Last edited by Cristy; 02/05/1611:58 AM.
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Going on sandis rules for 2nd week and my seems to be getting more angry by the day. Can some people tell their experiences when try to implement sandis rules.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
Firstly, your W wants out so she is the one who should be on the couch.
Reclaim the MBR, just move back in. This is your home.
Consider if she is wayward and having either an EA or a PA.
To my mind her behaviour about your S without consultation (if I have that correctly) is just plainly controlling, it makes me uncomfortable, this is a big thing.
Read DR and DB thoroughly.
If she is beginning to be angry then please detach.
Enforce your boundaries.
I made so many mistakes when my WH started being angry, ranting and calling me names.
At one point I reacted back and for a brief spell the part of me I call Screaming Banshee emerged.
It was not my best moment
So
1. I left the MBR (mistake)
2. I took too much notice of WH angry complaints and took all the blame
3. I had few boundaries
4. The few boundaries I had I did not enforce
5. I sought IC too late
6. I did not realistically assess my role and if WH was correct, I took all the blame
5. I neither validated or invalidated, I got shell shocked
What went right?
1. DB and the good folks here
2. GAL GAL GAL
3. Detaching
4. IC eventually
------------------------
I had Sandi guidelines laminated!
I recorded the rants etc and discussed them with my IC
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
