Waw, she is in love, need advice/support

[sandi2]

shreeve I don't understand, wife has own apartment but is returning to your home to sleep?

My question is basically rephrased
Would physical detachment speed things (DB-ing) up?

I will tell you this much, as long as the WW gets to have her OM/A, plus she gets her comfy home and the affection of her H.........why do you think she will be in any hurry? What you need to do is tell her, "You know, I have been thinking things over, and this setup just isn't working for me. You have an apartment and that's what you wanted in this separation. So now, we need to live like separated people. No more sleep overs on the couch or to get your cuddle time. You have your own place, and this is my place".

She may not like it, but so what? It is time for her to put her big girl panties on.

[TxHubby]

If you haven't paid for this apartment yet then don't. Take the leadership role in your house. Your wife is hugely disrespecting you. Be kind, be fair, but be stern. You're the king of the castle, she's your queen. Talk it out with her and work on what you need to work on both individually and together but there will be no apartments purchased for anyone and if there is an OM then he has to go, and pronto.

[shreeve]

Sorry for the confusion, she is not sleeping here and hasn't since she moved out. I mean I am trying to sleep again I take OTC sleeping pills each night, but still only get 4-6 hours of sleep. Wold love a full 8 hours one day, coming up on 6 weeks for me. Any tips to get more sleep when your going through the emotions of WW / affair?? I like what Texas said too Bear, I've been thinking of how disrespectful this betrayal is to me / our marriage. Affair is not our fault, but we are accountable for the state of the marriage leading up to it I suppose. Those are some of the behaviors I am changing in my GAL / detachment process.

[Bear007]

I will tell you this much, as long as the WW gets to have her OM/A, plus she gets her comfy home and the affection of her H.........why do you think she will be in any hurry? What you need to do is tell her, "You know, I have been thinking things over, and this setup just isn't working for me. You have an apartment and that's what you wanted in this separation. So now, we need to live like separated people. No more sleep overs on the couch or to get your cuddle time. You have your own place, and this is my place".

She may not like it, but so what? It is time for her to put her big girl panties on.

@sandi2
She does not have:
- her apartment/place she wants to go (she does not want to live with her mother)
- enough money to rent apartment for 2 months (and she does not want to live in rented place, she wants her own place (that I would buy!))
- real job
- my support

all she has is leverage to threaten with child, and even that is not bugging me anymore. As my lawyer said: 'child will be fine with any parent'.
And potential 50% of what I earned during marriage.

So yes, I agree on part that she need to wake up, but I can't kick her out (to her mothers), it is just not me as a person...


@TxHubby
yes, agree with every word you say. There is no OM except imaginary OM (she thinks she has a chance with 28y male fitness model)
I don't expect that to happen except in parallel universe

@shreeve
sorry, but I sleep like a baby most of the time. and when I wake up and worry about something meditation helps (for me).

[Bear007]

Nothing new in development of situation, I made mistake and in conversation I mentioned that I rejected sex with her, that did not resonate well, she is well aware of that and now she is pissed off and mention it at least 10 times that I am said this just to hurt her.

Maybe I did, as I said I might have control issues (up until now I was the only adult in relationship) and on the other hand I am hurt, and also still think that I can share everything with her.

[Bear007]

This weekend was still in pat position, no development except few fights, I did not handle those well, got involved too easily.

[G8r]

Brush it off and start again. Fighting just reinforces their desire to leave. Makes them feel justified in their decision.

[Bear007]

This time again accusations started:
-that I am the reason she was unhappy
-that I don't want to start anything to help her move out
-that I am using child as leverage
-accuses me for hiding money before separation

From what I observe, she is reflecting herself,and I don't take it to my heart.

She wants to know what she will get (financially) and is eager for me to calculate this... I have this rough calculation but don't even want to show her this since she has not even filed papers for divorce. Is this the right approach?

[sandi2]

She wants to know how much she gets, plus she will expect you to pay for everything. She can get a job!

[Bear007]

she is in process, she has even been on 2 interviews! And it is only February