Had my bag stolen, apart from my purse and house keys, my studio keys were in there, and my laptop, and a new top I'd just bought myself for a business event today (which I had to cancel, as I only had 1 hour sleep and had no way of getting in to my studio to get my stuff before the event).
Sat on my doorstep at 2.00am, locked out, freezing and crying my eyes out.
Eventually a friend organised a locksmith to come round and basically drill one of the locks to get me in to my house. I couldn't think straight any more and was just shaking and crying.
MIL and FIL drove the 45 minutes in the middle of the night to make sure I was OK.
Did a bad thing as I was running home from work (where my bag was stolen). Texted my H and asked him to help me please. He didn't really offer any help, just came up with a couple of suggestions.
Have felt really, really alone because of that, and have spent a lot of the day in tears.
Should be focussing on the amazing help I've had from some very kind people instead. Can hopefully get my mind to think more along those lines soon.
So sorry to hear about your bad news Focus. You are right to try to think about the positives from a bad situation. You have been amazingly strong so far, keep going.
The past couple of days have been spent dealing with the practicalities of having my bag and laptop stolen. I feel a bit overwhelmed by all the things I have to do, but am trying to do one or two a day to keep things moving forward.
I'm not sure how much I've looked at the impact on me (but also on the whole DB process) of texting my H asking for his help.
A friend I was speaking to about it last night pointed out that I would probably be feeling much worse if he'd come to help me out, and then disappeared again. I reckon she's right.
I also have slightly conflicting feelings about my ILs having helped me.
I feel overwhelmed at the thought of how much they care for me, and how my MIL doesn't want to lose my respect or friendship (I've worked for her on and off for a good few years now. I don't earn much from my work with her, but I love doing what I do, and the little I earn makes a big difference to me).
I'm also conscious that to let go, I might need to let go of that relationship as well? And not see them or speak to them again?
She knows what has been going on with her son. I was texting her a sort of running commentary of my thought process as I was trying to work it all out in the middle of October.
She's very, very upset and very hurt by what he's done, and is trying hard to reach out to me. I don't know if it would feel like I was punishing her if I cut off contact with her as well? I don't think I could bear that. I hate the thought of hurting someone I care for so much.
But then it's not me that has caused this whole situation? Well, not entirely. Clearly I have some responsibility in my H's feelings, but not the actions that he chose to pursue as a result of them.
And me trying to do anything is me trying to fix things.
And so it goes round and round.
Maybe it's a case of doing nothing is doing something? And of leaving it in the hands of the Gods?
Doing nothing sounds like the way to go for the moment. You don't have to cut off contact abruptly with MIL, it would seem ungrateful after their help, but I'd try and find a little space. He is their son and no matter how disappointed they are with him they'll still support him and validate his decisions. You've taken a nasty knock with the theft when you were feeling down. Give yourself a little time to recover, you were doing so well with your GAL and social life. Keep strong and take care.
I'm sorry I've not been on for a while, but I'm OK. Actually, better than OK...doing really well. And managed to deal with everything that's come my way in a very dignified manner (not anything that's come my way from H, but everything that's come my way from mutual work colleagues). And every time I go through one of these situations, I feel like I get stronger, and I'm more determined than ever to continue down the path I am going, in terms of my outlook and my behaviour.
So, I had a high profile/high pressure job with some of my H's colleagues. I was working away from home as well for this, and staying in an apartment.
I was absolutely exhausted from it, because as well as the job, colleagues were (mostly) saying how sorry they were. I kept my answer very, very positive, thanking them for their concern but saying (and also behaving) like I was doing really well. It wasn't an act, as that wouldn't be right, but a slightly amped up version of the truth, if you like.
Those colleagues were all shocked at how much weight I'd lost (it was the first time I'd seen them since this all happened).
There was one who asked a little more in depth about me, and if I was OK, so I told her a very little bit more. But I kept it all quite factual and myself very neutral...no anger or blame or self pity. I didn't ever mention OW.
What surprised me was how much everyone already knew about the extent of my H's drinking,
A few colleagues said hello only, but not much else. I don't think they knew what to say. But that's OK.
One person ignored me completely, and didn't even say hello. I felt a bit sad about that.
I also did some work with MIL, and saw some colleagues (that are also more like friends). They were all very sad, one said that he felt like slapping my H when he heard what he'd done. Anyway, I tried to stay calm and neutral then as well.
So, what's happening? My h is working away for a long period of time.
I've managed to completely clear the house of every single last scrap of his stuff. His little sister came round to collect it all (several car trips).
H sent an email to his mum, which she forwarded to me yesterday. He was asking me to arrange a proxy vote for him for the upcoming elections here, and vote in his behalf, as he'll still be away. No definite instructions as to what I had to do to arrange the proxy vote. I think he was expecting me to find out and sort it.
Then later that same day I got an email from his mum saying that it would all have to be done my Monday, and not to bother with it (that was her speaking, not him). There was also other stuff about what she was doing, and saying that she would like to meet up with my mum at some point. It was friendly and chatty.
I haven't answered either of them. I'm not going to answer him, but I might answer her at some point, with an equally friendly tone. I really appreciate what she has done and how she is behaving with me.
I don't think think it's quite dawned on him yet what he has done. It feel like there's an expectation as to how I am going to behave and a sense of entitlement there. That of course I will continue to help him whenever he asks.
It might not dawn on him until his job finishes and he comes home to our city, and finds out that none of his things are in my house any longer. Not one single receipt or one single sock.
