I have hope with the new L. She seems like she wants to push things. However hearing xh2 and his claims and behaviour she is like omg he's such a catch!
NOT!
But as I went Thru today that Sinking odd sense of doom I used to get before randomly passing xh2 on the road or me drving by him in the street was back. It didn't come to anything which was serriously good news. Shows that internal warning system is off kilter and false now. Which is great news, I can deal with it as a feeling that is of no harm.
Reliving some of the stuff, just for L information was like talking of someone else. A great feeling. Little backslide on sleep tho and generally unsettled which can account for the feelings of doom.
Just goes to show we all backslide from time to time.
S18 has phone once but won't leave message and he doesn't take calls! So who knows what his drama is.
The whole being defensive when confronted makes me Sound guilty, I need to just state my case and walk.
Slight panic attack today when put on the spot,and I wasn't prepared for it. Sweating looking for an escape, really flight and fight stuff. It was after the doom feelings had gone. Caught me by suprise and I'm not sure what triggered it or why.
I sort of have this feeling too that decisions and big changes are looming, but most have been made and the action to carry thru is just more of the same. So I'm unsure why I have that feeling.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
